i give up

I was in Hallmark yesterday trying to pick out an anniversary card for my wife. The selection left something to be desired, and i was about to give up and pick one of the cheesy ones. Just then, this lady approached me - she was a hallmark employee in a purple polo shirt and khakis. I thought she was
going to ask me if I needed help, or maybe to tell me I wasn't allowed to have a drink in the store (I was holding a soda). Smiling and pleasant, she spoke, and said something along the lines of: "There's something I wanted to say to you. It's perfectly natural for a one person to share in another person's joy in this world".

I was dumbfounded, I could not comprehend what she said to me, much less why she said it. So I just said "Thank you". And then she just nodded and walked away. I tried to shake it off and just go back to what I was doing. But I couldn't think straight about my card search. I couldn't process the exchange that just took place- so I just left and walked back across the street to my office...?!?

short one from last night: i was at a family reunion. i was asked to go one stage, along with my aunt and one of her daughters (both of whom are tall, as am i). I am holding my baby son as I walk on stage, navigating through scattered folding chairs to stand next to my aunt and cousin. we have been asked to come up on stage and talk about the fact that we are the tall ones in the family. i go first, and i comment about how it's cold on stage. ...later on in the dream i go back in time and i am playing with a younger male cousin. he is currently a high school senior, but since i'm back in time he's a like 5 or 6 years old. he's being playful and generally rowdy, and trying to jump on me. i think to myself: 'now that i'm a dad i know how to handle this- it isn't annoying, it's fun'.

yesterday was father's day. i got up early with the baby at 6:30 a.m. and went through the morning routine a little more quickly than usual. i changed his diaper, fed him a bottle, fed him breakfast, put a sweatshirt on him, and got him ready to go out by 8:15 a.m. i didn't put on coffee because we're out of coffee grinds. this is wny i need to go to the store. my wife is still sleeping, i try to let her sleep late on weekends; plus, it's father-son time i get to spend with the baby. i take him out into the car and head to the supermarket. i find a spot close to the front, i get out and find a not-to-dirty-or-rusty shopping cart, and strap him into the child seat. i weave the belt strap through one of his favorite toys. that way, he can play with it while we're shopping, but he won't drop it. once inside, i head right for the coffee bar. while contemplating my coffee choices, a middle-aged couple approach me fromt he right- presumably to get coffee as well. they compliment me on my son- 'he's very cute, and very well-behaved'. it's true- he is cute, and he's hapily playing with his toy and listening to me talk aloud to myself about my coffee decision. i thank them and make small talk, briefly. as we part ways they say 'happy father's day'. i smile and thank them, and i am beaming with pride. a random compliment and father's day well-wishing from strangers has made my morning. i continue on shopping, talking to the baby the whole time about grocery selections and such. the end.

my dream from last night was quite disjointed, bare with me:

* part I: my wife came to visit me at work, at our new headquarters building. i went down to meet her in the large, impressive lobby. she was waiting by the comfy leather seats in front of the security gate, with the baby in the stroller. somehow, there was also a car parked in the lobby. it was a shiny red new super-expensive sports car. like a ferrari testorosa but with two rows of seats. my old friend becky, who now lives in boston, was in the driver's seat. we all decided to go for a ride. in order to pull the car out of the lobby, we had to pull it around the large security desk and back through a really large revolving door (large enough for cars). as we went through the large revolving door, through a glass wall i saw the vp of finance and other executives sitting at a table playing poker with several japanese men and women (presumably, from our japan subsidiary). when we got out of the building, we were in a parking garage. an alarm sounded, and glowing, floating, security guards (resembling the aliens from the movie cocoon) rush out to apprehend us. we escape.

* part II: i am witnessing the end of a gunbattle. two men surrender to two other men. this is in a banquet hall filled with rows of chairs. the rows all face the center, where there is a stage. suddenly, i am drawn in. i and my companion surrender too. they two captor threaten to kill us all. somehow, i know that it is a farce, and that the captors intend to kill the others, but not my companion and i. the captors come over to us and fire blanks at our heads and we pretend to fall down and die in the aisle between rows of chairs. my companion starts to laugh, but then tries to pretend as though he is winceing in pain. he pretends to whimper, and then fade away. then it is quiet. did it work? the others seem to be gone. we are startled and we look up. suddenly there is a loud procession entering the room down one of the nearby aisles. they are headed for the center stage. they are all dressed up like jesters, or like in a masquerade, with masks and banners. the room fills quickly with spectators. an announcer begins to speak from center stage. welcome everyone. and welcome to our new members. the spotlight shines on us. there are cheers. we play along and wave and smile, shyly. loud dance music plays and a huge video screen shows a man doing wheely trick in a wheel chair. the crowd starts to dance. we slip away, un-noticed, into the back rows. there is an older man watching us. somehow i know he is important, maybe even in charge, but watching from the back. he confronts us. he is suspicous, but just makes small talk. he is wearing a yellow raincoat. there is a white tag on it with red writing- it's a all-access pass to a rock concert. i ask him about it, and he insists that it is his daughter's, that she had borrowed his jacket. he is now flustered, and moves on and lets us pass.

* (last week sometime) i was in the oval office alone with george w bush. he was explaining his u.s. national forests policy. i was sitting/leaning on his desk and he was standing next to me. he was holding a chart and pointing to it while explaining: "if we cut down more trees now, in the long run it will help the forests..." even though it was the president, and he was amiable and persuasive, i was still not convinced. i nervously but graciously responded, "i understand what you're saying, but it just doesn't sit right with me..."
* (also last week) i had two dreams about my friend brian, who moved to california with his rock band, seeking fame and fortune. one: i was visiting brian in the apartment he lived in, presumable in california. it was a 3 story apartment building with an entrance in the back, with three flights of outdoor scaffold stairs and balconies. he brought me up and showed me around. the apartment was bare, a little cluttered. there was a box filled with copies of his band's demo album. that's all two: i was in some nondescript college town, in the off-campus apartment district. for some reason it felt like the sceene of previous dreams about college. i was walking around with an anonymous male friend, when we ran into brian. i was happy to see him, and we started walkign and talking together, the three of us. i told brian we were heading out to the bars, and he said he'd like to tag along with us, but he didn't have a lot of money. i happily and immediately told him to come along with us anyway, and that i'd buy him a couple of drinks.

this past weekend i was in the shower, and all i could think about were circus clowns, and white tigers jumping through hoops of fire.

i also paid a visit to a friends house at the lake. there was a party for my friend grace who is about to get married. i showed up already feeling pretty good, but proceeded to drink 6 beers while catching up with everyopne and playing "flippy cup". before the game started everyone started yelling and dancing in what felt like some sort of the beginnign of a pegan ritual. i don't think ti was part of the game, it's just that everyone was drunk and wanted to yell and jump around a bit. i never played the game before, but i think i did pretty well. i made my first few practice flips, but when we started i was a little inconsistent. after a while i got into a groove. in the "survivor" round, i was the last of two people on my side of the table- and we won. during the game my friend mike declared that i was "back". that felt good. in contrast to the past year or so, when i have not been around much at the lake. i saw a few people who i haven't seen in quite a long time, including my old friend lynn. we exchanged numbers and promised each other we'd call and get together some time. she still hasn't met the baby, who is 8 months old now. i left early so i could get home and get some sleep. i still had to get up early with the baby. all in all it was a good time- i felt like i had recharged my batteries, in a way.

the next morning i woke up early with the baby. i was quite tired, and i took him into the kitchen, searching for coffee. sadly, we were out of coffee grounds for a new pot. i poured the cold, day-old coffee that was left in the pot into my cup, and heated it up in the microwave. i read the baby two books, and then played the guitar for him for a while. then i put on his video and sat him in front of the TV, so i could go make myself cereal and reheat the rest of my coffee. after eating i tuned the radio to a jazz station, and started to wash some dishes i needed before i could start making the baby's breakfast.