i'm pissed off today. keep in mind, that's saying a lot- i rarely get pissed off. it's a lot of things. i don't express anger very well. where does it go?
my cat is gone. i miss him and i am sad. i hope he's OK. i'm going to leave it at that.
and i went to the bank today and the stupid teller wouln't let me cash a $25 check because it was made out to me and my wife. i wanted to tear up the check in her face and say: "you see this- you have wasted $25 dollars of my time, coming all the way here just to find out that i can't cash this stupid little check. here! (as i hold out my cupped hands and blow the shredded check into her face) this is what i think of your policy!" of course, if i had actually done that, i would not be here right now. i would be relaying this story to my cell mates in a holding facility somewhere.
i have a lot of reading to do for work. lately, practically every night i've been sitting down for 2 hours or so after my son is sleeping and i've completed various chores aroudn my house, and reading stuff for work at my dining room table. i usually have to drink a lot of caffine to stay awake. last night i fell asleep and drolled on the table for 1/2 an hour, right after finishing a can of diet mountain dew. when i woke up i had some gold fish and opened another can. the stuff i read is interesting stuff about my new job; but it can also put you to sleep after a while. i'm less distracted and i get more done when i read in the dining room. i bring my little portable radio over to the table and set it up to listen to either jazz 88.3, wfmu 99.1, or 94.? wnyc. the trick is to get music that includes no singing whatsoever- or at least in singing in english. the singing distracts me and i find myself listening to the singing and not concentrating on reading. sometimes i'll be listening to jazz, enjoying the backround music while reading, and someone will start crooning and i'll think to myself - dammit, why do they have to ruin a perfectly good song with this jerk! so then i'll go to wnyc and see if "new sounds" is on. and so on. it's easier to listen to predictable study-music while sitting at my desk downstairs in the office, because i can listen to internet archives of wfmu or wnyc. it's also nice because i can look up words and medical/chemistry/pharmacy terms on the computer too. and furthermore i don't feel like i'm on display in a fishbowl for my neighbors (the dining room is plainly visible from the street due to the many windows. the drawbacks are: it's easy to get distracted by web surfing; the light is not as good; the desk is not conducive to reading (no room to spread out), and other stuff.
in order to make myself feel better about my cat, i cleaned the fish bowl last night. the fish doesn't really have a name. we got him(?) for free. he seemed to appreciate having new water and being fed. he gets excited when he sees you coming, because he figures it's feeding time. the cat was the same way. i think that's just about all they have in common. that and it's a pain in the ass to clean up their shit. but i don't mind, really. there's still cat litter to be cleaned downstairs; i suppose i'll get to that sooner or later. no rush. the cat is gone.
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