thought

"i am weaving a tapestry of her decline from a glossary of cave terms"

(from subsoil karren- unfinished poem. i'll like it better when i read it in a year. right now it's like a mostly-solved rubik's cube that one casts away, disgusted, into the siberia of a dank basement desk drawer)

song titles

"where x = the saddest orphan dream"
"recipes from beyond the grave"
"night terrors is just ggreegg blowing in yr ear"

I had a dream I was driving late at night with my dad. We were going to a hotel, but first we were going to stop at the house (the house where i grew up, not my current home). while we drove, my dad was trying to tie his shoe; the car door was open, and he was half way in and out of the car. the car was moving; but he was still standing, which was somehow fine. it was surreal. anyway, we were heading down the main road in town, looking for the turn onto our street. I saw two armed army officers, in fatigues, holding machine guns, at the side of the road. they were manning a checkpoint or roadblock; but they didn't flinch as we enetered the intersection. it seemd as though they had just opened up, but were still standing around keeping watch. we saw what looked like a street fair or parade taking place on our street, in the process of dispersing. we couldn't get through, and we were still two blocks from my house...

one damn dollar

Pretty uneventful day today. I didn't get much accomplished at work; but there wasn't much to do so I don't feel bad. I booked my travel arrangements to Louisville KY for next week. I'm flying in and out in the same day. It'll be a pain in the ass; but it will also mean that I will not leave my wife alone to but both kids to bed for an extra night. I'm sure as hell not doing it to save money. F that. Today I wa son the phone with the travel department, and I asked the girl to book me for a full-size rental car. She said she could only book an intermediate size, that it was company policy. I told her mid-size cars are too damn small for a tall person. She wouldn't budge. Who cares, I'll upgrade myself anyway. But get this- the difference in price between the midsize and full size car...? One damn dollar. What a joke. So anyway, on the lighter side i'm looking forward to travelling without a suitcase for once. I can skip the baggage carousel for once. I still have to bring two carry-on bags: one for my laptop and another for equipment & presentation materials, etc.

Tonight at my in-law's I was chasing e.w. trying to feed him chicken, while he ran around dragging the vacuum cleaner. After that, we went outside and played catch. This didn't involve a baseball and mits, if that's what you're picturing. it was actually a hackey sack that looks like a football. It wasn't even "catch", really. No one was catching. you could say we were playing "throw". I'm working on his over-hand baseball throw. He can do the two-handed basketball chest pass; but one-handed he's completely lost. The ball seems to go in a completely different direction each time. I'm ashamed to say, I was getting frustrated trying to get him to undstand the concept of throwing over-hand. I didn't realize it until he said "I'm sorry daddy" and tried to give me a hug. One thing about being a father of a toddler, it's hard to catch yourself treating them like an adult- saying usless things like "look at me", "watch daddy", or "pay attention". It's easy to fall into it, once they start talking and listening, etc. I snapped out of it and tried to think creatively. I moved his arm through the motion and said "it's like casting" (as in, a fishing pole). His face lit up. It worked, for a moment at least. He threw it. After that I just tried to do whatever he wanted and have fun with it.

On the car ride home, there was jazz piano music on the radio. I asked e.w., "what kind of music is this?" He said: "piano". "Good", I said. "The instrument is a piano. What kind of music is the piano playing?" He said: "violin". He was guessing randomly. He can name insruments, and also name song genres- but he gets the two mixed up. I assured him: "No, you were right- it's a piano. i't a piano playing jazz music". "Jazz music", he said... You never realize how odd it can be to explain something you take for granted, until you explain it to a child. Anyway, after that, bath and bedtime were the ususal. He sat on my lap and we read "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs", a book my father read to me a hundred times. I tucked him in, kissed him goodnight, and set off for an hour's worth of lawn watering waiting for me outside.

While writng this I got up to go feed a.j. a bottle. It was the first time I saw him since this morning (my wife came home and put him to bed while I was bathing e.w.). I wanted to have light on and play/talk with him after feeding him- but that's a night-feeding no-no. Instead, I changed his diaper and put him in the crib, with just a little kiss on the head. Either way I miss him and I want to just play with him. Now that he's 4 months old, he has this blossoming personality and this infectious smile- this obious need of and love for attention. I love it. It's incredible.

coffee

the story is: when i got in the car to go to the bank, i put on the A/C, cuz it's like 90 degrees, and i left. when i got back in the car after the bank, the car was still cool. i looked at my 1/5 full coffee and thought, what the heck- i need post-lunch caffeine. lo and behold, when i sipped the coffee, i was surprised to find it was quite warm- just right as a matter of fact. cool car, hot coffee. the exact opposite of my usual afternoon leftover coffee routine.

eyes hurt

my eyes hurt again today, so right form the start i am wearing my
corny reading glasses here at work. what can you do?

on the way to work today i impatiently skipped through song after song on my iPod, looking for the good warm summer morning driving music. i can't say that i found anything quite right. 1000 songs isn't enough? i think iPod's make you more impatient and picky. back when i had my red hatchback in college, i had this evil CD player with a detachable face; it would only accept certain CD's- the rest it would spit out. so when i got something in there and playing, i stuck with it for days or weeks at a time. i would just suffer through whatever songs were on there, afraid to disturb the player by even skipping tracks. CD's like GBV's "same place the fly got smashed" and "sandbox", and Faith No More's "king for a day, fool for life" and "album of the year" will forever be burned into my memory after listening to them 1000 times each, day after day for longs periods of time, serenading me as drove around rt. 18, 287, etc. gone are those days. gone, gone, gone.

there's only 1 alice

i'm not sure what this site is all about, but the pictures are cool- and there are alot of them. enjoy!

time to fly

So here I am in the airport in Cincinnati. I just had to call my wife and give her the bad news. The plane will be delayed and we’re not going anywhere for a couple of hours. She wasn’t happy, but what can you do. I told her I would get home as soon as I can, and she said just to get home safe. It felt nice to hear that.

I should have known what was in store when we left yesterday; this trip has been jinxed from the start. The day started out hectic. In the morning, things were tense at home- as they often are when I’m going away on a business trip. I am stressed out getting ready to travel and thinking of work stuff; and my wife is stressed out at the thought of handling our household alone for however long I am gone. I got up at 6:00 and made coffee, and my wife fed the baby. Once coffee’d up, I did some little odds and ends, and then set off to get ready. I was just heading into the shower, when all of the sudden my wife came in with e.w.- it was potty training time again. Our plan lately is- as soon as he wakes up, we take him into the bathroom to get on the potty. This worked once before recently, and it was actually him who woke up and said he had to go. So we’re trying to encourage him now. I went ahead and she sat him down and started the pep talk. While I was showering, I could hear her negotiating with him. Since it was the morning, she wasn’t going to use chocolate. Instead she brought out a sheet of brand new stickers: little glow-in-the-dark planets, stars, moons, galaxies. He loved it. He wanted them. She took out a white sheet of paper, with the words “e.w.’s potty sheet”. She explained that he could stick one of the stickers on the sheet if he “made” in the potty. I was getting out of the shower at this point. He seemed to understand my wife’s offer, but it just wasn’t happening. He really wanted a sticker, though. He was talking about the different shapes and naming them. When I turned off the shower water, you could hear the baby had woken up. So my wife went to go tend to him and I took over with e.w.

It looked like it wasn’t going anywhere, but I talked with him a bit more. He was still talking about the stickers. I decided that it would probably be bad, and discouraging, if I took the stickers away and said “no stickers till you poo”, or whatever- so I explained that the little stickers were for “good trying”. This made him happy. He picked a little sticker and we stuck it on the sheet. Then that was that. The rest of the morning consisted of running around changing diapers while packing my bag and what not. While changing e.w. I explained to him that I would be getting on a plane to go on a business trip, but that I would be “back tomorrow”. He hugged me and said something like “I-I-I go to the plane with daddy….on a trip”. I hugged him back and said “aww. Honey, daddy has to go work. You’ll stay here with mommy and take care of your baby brother until I get home.” He seemed to accept this; but was not entirely satisfied. Later on when I kissed everyone goodbye I didn’t talk about flying again, I just let on like it was any other work morning.

the cock & bull

So when my colleague and I arrived at the CVG airport in Kentucky, it was early evening but hot and steamy like a sauna. We took an annoying little van to the AVIS car rental center. At the AVIS desk the man asked me if I wanted a purple PT Cruiser. I said: "Not that I don't want to be adventurous; but I really won't fit in it. I'll take the Impala, please." As we set off for the hotel, it started to rain a little. Half an hour later we arrived in the riverfront area of Covington right across the Ohio river from downtown Cincinnati. All the while we were scoping out the area restaurants. We had been delayed for about an hour back in Newark, due to the approaching storms; so I was hungry after not eating for about 7 hours (that is, if you don't count the racket ball-sized sandwich on the plane). We were not encouraged by what we saw: the hotel straddled a "White Castle". We got into the lobby to check in, and immediately started questioning the staff about nearby restaurants. We asked about Thai restaurants in particular. This is a force of habit of mine when I arrive in a new city; and it usually pans out. But Thai restaurants, in northern Kentucky? There are none, technically. There's one just one in the area, but it's on the Cincinnati side, across the river in Mt. Adams. It wasn't that far, but we didn't want to get involved in getting on the highway and getting lost. Plus, I planned on drinking- so the closer the better. We thought about copping out and walking to the nondescript riverfront bar & grill behind the hotel; but at this point something inside us yearned for something "local". They suggested the nearby "German Village", or MainStrasse Villiage, as it is actually called. They specifically suggested "Dee Felice", a fancy Cajun restaurant & jazz bar. That sounded about right. We hopped right back into the car and headed over. The sun was getting low in the sky, cooling off, with a light breeze; it felt nice to be outside. MainStrasse Village is a broad street 4 blocks long, with a grassy strip in the center with trees, benches, fountains, historic plaques, etc. But please don't picture the Main Street in Santa Monica or something like that, think: New Hope, PA. It'll be a cold day in Hell when they hold a farmer's market here. Restored 19th-century homes, kitschy shops, quirky restaurants, and authentic pubs. Not a Starbucks for light years. The many bikers we saw coming and going are not there for fresh produce; they want beer steins, bangers & mash, and authentic weapons and armor from Gothic Edge. They host things like the "Goettafest & River Raid Renaissance Festival". What more could you ask for? We drove around looking for a parking spot, and eventually found our way over to Dee Felice. We looked inside: nearly empty, white tablecloths, dimly lit. Not bad. We looked across the street. There was a rundown old pub, with many sidewalk tables, filled local-types, all drinking beer out of large mugs. Oh yeah. The Cock & Bull, has en amazing selection of random imported beers on tap. Sweet. I drank a couple of Red Legg Ale's. I took the waitresses recommendation and had the "award winning" fish & chips with cole slaw. It was amazing. As we drank and ate I learned my co-worker is the son of an iconic Polish political dissident writer, a figurehead among the anti-communists before and after the Soviet Union dissolved. Very interesting. After eating, we wandered over to a plaque at the center of the village, with the words "Slave Escape" in large letters. It was a Historical marker Dedicated to the Slave Escape and the Memory of Margaret Garner, inspiration for Beloved. I had no idea I was getting drunk at such an historic location. When I got back to the hotel we lugged in all our bags and went up to our rooms. I was half way through saying "goodnight" to my co-worker as the elevator door closed- a little slow from the travel and the beer. I arrived at my room and collapsed on the bed. I looked over and saw I had a balcony. I went out, to admire the view. Not bad. I looked down and saw the White Castle drive through; the line was 4 or 5 cars long. People lining up, in their not-quite-fancy convertibles, blasting whatever crappy popular music. Eager for the nasty, tiny sandwiches that are many times more inedible than what I had on the plane. Ridiculous.

off to cincinatti

last night we had chinese food at my parents house. they're going down the shore with my brother and his family for the week. we have been asked to feed the cats while they are gone. after dinner i let my wife go our and hang out with her friend camel, and i took the kids home and did the bedtime routine. a.j. fell asleep while we drove, so i took him in the house first, put him down asleep in the car seat in his room with the lights off. thankfully he slept for a couple of hours, so i could get other stuff done. i gave e.w. a bath, read him a book, and put him to bed. we read "the very lonely firefly". the next time we read that i should take him outside to see the fireflies, which are just starting to come out. anyway, then i ended up water the lawn for like 1 1/2 hours, because it's so hot everything dries so fast. and i will be away for 2 days, so it needed a good watering. the sprinkler broke so i gad to do it all by hand. it was sort nice though, a nice clear warm evening. it was dark, but i could see well enough to water. i had my iPod and i listened to the playlist for the mix i made for my friend brian in california. i still have to get that CD in the mail. the list includes several jams by We Are Vikings. the more exploring i do on the internet, looking for interesting unknown bands with good free mp3's, the more i appreciate bands like WAV. but anyway, i head to cincinatti today. flight leaves in the mid afternoon, so hopefully i'll get there with enough time to find an interesting place to have dinner. we'll see. i have the zombies stuck in my head, after listening to the greatest hits album on the way to work this monring.

eyes hurt again

i'm tired because last night i stayed up late again doing pointless stuff on my computer. i reviewed two songs for www.garageband.com, which was a total waste of time. neither song was really interesting, but they were both recorded well. there semms to be a lot fo that out there: mediocre music recorded well. i prefer good music recorded in an ameteur fashion. my eyes hurt today, and so now i am wearing my reading glasses. it's probaby also because i stayed up late at the computer. now they don't hurt so much, but i'll probably loose the glasses for lunch time, and then see how i feel when i get back.

music

this morning when i got in the car, my CD with alasdair roberts was queued up from over the weekend; but i wasn't in the mood for him. i started out listening to irene trudel's 2005 WFMU marathon premium CD, but once on the open highway i put in my friend jon andrew's live cd, and enjoyed solo acoustic indie rock the rest of the ride. it's hard not to sing along cuz i know his songs' harmonies. when i stopped the car i sat for a while to finish off the remainder of the song, and my coffee.

thought

it's weird. it's 9:42 AM, i had a power bar thingy while driving on the way to work, and my two cups of coffee, yet i'm sitting here at my desk and feeling hungry. i want a hamburger. that's what my brain is telling me: hamburger. also, i just had a big sneeze, so maybe i've got a short circuit somewhere.

this weekend

this weekend we spent a lot of time outdoors, trying to enjoy the nice weather. on saturday it started out a little wet and cool after light rain during the night, so i decided not to try to mow the lawn. we went to my in-law's house for a little while in the late morning, but there wasn't much going on there. the highlight of the visit was watching my mother-in-law site and learn how to use the computer/internet with my son e.w. in her lap. i directed them to www.sesamestreet.com, where they played some games. meanwhile, i held the baby and rocked back and forth with him by the high counter in the kitchen, reading the new york times magazine article about hedge funds. i didn't get far.

saturday afternoon/evening my friend from d.c. came to visit, or as e.w. calls him: uncle misha. we had fun playing soccer outside on the lawn, a little wiffle ball batting practice, and a nice warm spring evening backyard deck bbq. very nice.

sunday we saw the in-laws again in the morning for blueberry banana pancakes. e.w. and i played outside for a bit and dipped our feet in the chilly pool. then we went to my parents lake house for their anniversary party. e.w. went down for a nap as soon as we got there, and the my wife and i went down to the beach with the baby to see who was around. i spend quite a while talking to some old folks while holding the baby. we doubled back for e.w. when he woke form his nap, so he could play into he sand and go swimming a little. being back at the lake with e.w. was a lot of fun; he's now the right age for beach fun like sandcastles and shallow-water wading & splashing, etc. it's a just little odd to be there with him in the place i grew up swimming/playing: odd in a good way. i hope we spend a lot of time there this summer.

later in the afternoon, after a shower back at the house, we mingled with the family and ate good food, drank beer, etc. finally as the sun was low in the sky, e.w. and i went down to the dock to fish at the shore with my grandfather. he brought his own poles, tacklebox, and a can of a few fresh worms. the water was literally swarming with blue-gill sunfish. if you just threw a little piece of a twig in the water they all came over to look at it and even nibble. we set up a couple of poles with bobbers and hooks, and e.w. looked on, intently. he rummaged through the tacklebox, playing with the rubber worms, and repeated "i'm helping, i'm helping!". together, e.w., my grandfather, and i casted off the dock and watched as the many small fish nibbled the worms off of our too-large hooks. the sun was warm and the lake was calm, like a gigantic mirror, reflecting the sunset and the ridge. this is where, when, how i learned to fish; and this is what i've dreamed about ever since e.w. was an apple in our eyes. we didn't catch anything before e.w. wandered off with my dad back up to the house to get dessert. i stayed there with grandpa, intent on catching something, anything- the inaugural fish of the summer. i did. i tiny little sunny. then i headed back up. grandpa stayed alone in the chair ont the dock in the glow of an orange sunset and continued fishing. later on after dessert we were about to leave when grandpa announced he had caught a substantially sized bass. e.w. went down to see it, and touch it, and was very excited. i had to run him back up to wash his hands before we left. all the while he talked about the "big fishy" he had seen.

the baby, a.j., slept through the night sunday night for the first time in a while. He drank two bottles with about 10 ounces of milk before he went to bed; which is unusual for him. of course, we also spent an unusual amount of time in nice warm outdoors settings. couple that with his excessive drooling tendencies lately and he was probably pretty dehydrated as well as exhausted. so my hopes are not high that this is the beginning of a new era of all-night sleeping. besides, i didn't manage to get much sleep last night anyway. i drank a cup of coffee at 10:30 p.m. because I was so damn tired- but at that point i still needed to water our near-wilting flowers, take out the garbage, and clean up the kitchen a little. the coffee did the trick but i ended up not really sleeping until 1:00. oh well. more coffee at 6:00 and away we go to another monday!

song / EP title

pack your bags for a space vacation

"see you in the methane sauna"
"frolic in the fields of glass"
"experience a relaxing meteor shower"
"dine in the oort cloud"
"whistling bones in the solar wind"

song titles

"au de hunter's perch"
"flowers bloom in your parlance (but wither at your glance)"
"just a little more forever please"

"one empty chamber"
"everywhere you burn"
"oh, to conjure you"

"inviting the thunder"
"interoffice fear network"
"flight of the goodwill fruitfly"