i am sitting on the side stage,
the music is quite loud
and i'm not quite sure i can hear myself think,
but at the same time it's white noise,
a constant noise.
so i have an excuse not to have to engage
in meaningless, inconsequential "hi's"
with people i do not know.
i don't mind sitting alone so much
i just wish i had something to lean on.
i hate standing up for long periods of time.
when my legs get tired i put all of my weight on one leg
to rest the other.
the other knee will bend, and my hip will jut out-
a rather awkward looking pose...
every one else is dancing
or standing around and talking
i just sit there with my hat pulled down over my forehead
just enough so i can look around
without making people self conscious
if i absentmindedly stare.
every once in a while i stand up and walk around
and try to find someone i know.
my girl-friends try to make me dance
but i can't, i feel like an idiot.
i'll run into my guy-friends but they are busy mingling.
chances are i will wander around until the dance is over
or until someone "needs to talk".
somehow that is a responsibility always reserved for me-
but i don't always mind so much.
it's only when i slow dance comes on that i start to feel lonely.
Showing posts with label archive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label archive. Show all posts
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Tuesday, August 10, 1999
a short play in one act
ACT 1.
the stage is empty, dimly lit.
enter c2677, dressed in all black,
wearing thin brass rimmed glasses.
c2677:"good evening ladies and gentleman,
this is the story of my life..."
enter dancing fools and clowns
one by one, two at first
then tree and more...
dancing around him.
dressed in tight body suits
their faces are painted but
the suits are bight solid colors
yellows, pinks and blues
also others in drab browns, grays
the dance and fight
and kick each other
they gesture, meaninglessly
all undulating and flowing
in a chaos that seems to have an order.
their form is perfect, the dancers move skillfully
and silently. eerie silence.
barely audible are the light scuffling of
feet and the heaving chests,
the breathing.
this continues for an hour,
until the dancers tire out
and collapse on top of one another
and are dragged off stage by
one by one
stage hands, dressed in black.
as the last exhausted dancer is dragged away,
revealed is the defeated, contorted, lifeless body
of c2677.
the cast of dancers return on stage,
lift him above their arms
and carry him to the front of the stage
and throw him into the orchestra pit
which if filled with a full cast of professional
musicians, fully prepared and rehearsed
to play beautiful music (the score, written,
rehearsed, but never played), but who are forced
to sit and sweat show after show, knowing
that their only purpose
is to have c2677 thrown upon them.
his body lands in between the percussion
instruments and the brass section
a horrible uproar of crashing, falling cymbals,
drums, triangles, and sticks. bending, cracking wood
and metal. the orchestra members scramble and abandon
their priceless instruments, as the cast of clown-like
dancers sacks the pit in a mad rush.
they disperse. lingering echoes of the
madness trail off, giving in once again
to the silence.
curtain closes, lights dim.
the audience roars.
FIN.
the stage is empty, dimly lit.
enter c2677, dressed in all black,
wearing thin brass rimmed glasses.
c2677:"good evening ladies and gentleman,
this is the story of my life..."
enter dancing fools and clowns
one by one, two at first
then tree and more...
dancing around him.
dressed in tight body suits
their faces are painted but
the suits are bight solid colors
yellows, pinks and blues
also others in drab browns, grays
the dance and fight
and kick each other
they gesture, meaninglessly
all undulating and flowing
in a chaos that seems to have an order.
their form is perfect, the dancers move skillfully
and silently. eerie silence.
barely audible are the light scuffling of
feet and the heaving chests,
the breathing.
this continues for an hour,
until the dancers tire out
and collapse on top of one another
and are dragged off stage by
one by one
stage hands, dressed in black.
as the last exhausted dancer is dragged away,
revealed is the defeated, contorted, lifeless body
of c2677.
the cast of dancers return on stage,
lift him above their arms
and carry him to the front of the stage
and throw him into the orchestra pit
which if filled with a full cast of professional
musicians, fully prepared and rehearsed
to play beautiful music (the score, written,
rehearsed, but never played), but who are forced
to sit and sweat show after show, knowing
that their only purpose
is to have c2677 thrown upon them.
his body lands in between the percussion
instruments and the brass section
a horrible uproar of crashing, falling cymbals,
drums, triangles, and sticks. bending, cracking wood
and metal. the orchestra members scramble and abandon
their priceless instruments, as the cast of clown-like
dancers sacks the pit in a mad rush.
they disperse. lingering echoes of the
madness trail off, giving in once again
to the silence.
curtain closes, lights dim.
the audience roars.
FIN.
Thursday, January 01, 1998
Chicopee Collection # 164
crying in your beer- think about the lockout
nowhere to bounce your ball or to talk
-explain to yourself that you are a good boy
-the nasty bottle made me do this
setting yourself up with an excuse-
you unfold its synthetic rainbow wings
and glide, glide away-
nowhere to bounce your ball or to talk
-explain to yourself that you are a good boy
-the nasty bottle made me do this
setting yourself up with an excuse-
you unfold its synthetic rainbow wings
and glide, glide away-
Chicopee Collection # 163
they joys of circular reasoning.
i dreamt about ted danson-
we met a blind street sculptor
whose chisel and fingernails would
rub across the faces of the men he carved-
clickity- clickity- click- click click
clickity click- click- click- click...
i dreamt about ted danson-
we met a blind street sculptor
whose chisel and fingernails would
rub across the faces of the men he carved-
clickity- clickity- click- click click
clickity click- click- click- click...
Chicopee Collection # 162
i do battle every day on the net, trying to convince people
that they're being stupid. and what for! they think
i'm stupid too. have we learned anything from each other?
i think we're just getting better at arguing.
that they're being stupid. and what for! they think
i'm stupid too. have we learned anything from each other?
i think we're just getting better at arguing.
Chicopee Collection # 160
smushed small stepped-on wrecked smothered
tattered discarded cast-aside forgotten rebuked
shunned shut-down insignificant unimportant
wrong mistake forbidden shut-out
there's a wall there
stopped smothered (again)
walk away in shame, walk away and think
shitty low unworthy useless
go home and lay down in bed, hug your pillow
and think about how you don't
know how to tell her how you feel
tattered discarded cast-aside forgotten rebuked
shunned shut-down insignificant unimportant
wrong mistake forbidden shut-out
there's a wall there
stopped smothered (again)
walk away in shame, walk away and think
shitty low unworthy useless
go home and lay down in bed, hug your pillow
and think about how you don't
know how to tell her how you feel
Chicopee Collection # 156
i memorized the cracks on the ceiling
started down the faces in the blinds
listened to the trees whisper
through the window
i've watched the clock
waited by the phone
listened for the door
i've driven around
following the dotted line
and i've sat in the diner and
started into a cup
"but no one i've found,
no one i've found"
started down the faces in the blinds
listened to the trees whisper
through the window
i've watched the clock
waited by the phone
listened for the door
i've driven around
following the dotted line
and i've sat in the diner and
started into a cup
"but no one i've found,
no one i've found"
Chicopee Collection # 153
I got in my car and unwrapped a new air freshener
and hung it around my rear view mirror (when
i reattached that mirror the glue ran down the wind shield
a little and it looks like shit) I hung the
new air freshener in its place and i put the old one
with the others around my gear shift- i looked
at the red one there and i tried to remember
when my car smelled like sherry smoke, but
the smell of vanilla flavored smoke was all
too strong in my mind. i thought about
putting my cigarette out on the new air freshener
but it was not done yet. i probably shouldn't
because it will make my car smell like burning
synthetic foam shit vanilla cigarette hell-
i started the car (and) watched the green console
lights go on. I had enough gas to get me to
nowhere, whenever i decide where nowhere is-
i pick a direction to turn in- and try to keep
my eyes on the road while driving with one knee
and counting how many cagarettes i have left.
in taking a final drag from my cigarette i
decide not to ash out the window becuase i'm
afraid the cherry will blow away, and i'm not in the
mood to negotiate with my car cigarette
lighter to spark up a new one- chain smoking
somehow seems justified- when your arteries
are hardening and your blood is thinning and you're
too tired to turn around and head home...
and hung it around my rear view mirror (when
i reattached that mirror the glue ran down the wind shield
a little and it looks like shit) I hung the
new air freshener in its place and i put the old one
with the others around my gear shift- i looked
at the red one there and i tried to remember
when my car smelled like sherry smoke, but
the smell of vanilla flavored smoke was all
too strong in my mind. i thought about
putting my cigarette out on the new air freshener
but it was not done yet. i probably shouldn't
because it will make my car smell like burning
synthetic foam shit vanilla cigarette hell-
i started the car (and) watched the green console
lights go on. I had enough gas to get me to
nowhere, whenever i decide where nowhere is-
i pick a direction to turn in- and try to keep
my eyes on the road while driving with one knee
and counting how many cagarettes i have left.
in taking a final drag from my cigarette i
decide not to ash out the window becuase i'm
afraid the cherry will blow away, and i'm not in the
mood to negotiate with my car cigarette
lighter to spark up a new one- chain smoking
somehow seems justified- when your arteries
are hardening and your blood is thinning and you're
too tired to turn around and head home...
Chicopee Collection # 149
am i flesh or am i stone
am i rotting or eroding, quietly-
kiss the dust on my hands
i will not appear clever at all
am i rotting or eroding, quietly-
kiss the dust on my hands
i will not appear clever at all
Chicopee Collection # 148
Robot tops or upper half ends in chairs
their arms could drag them but
they'd rather not move
they've given up
Robot tops or upper half ends toppled
reach for each other, pushing to the door
the scrape on the not-so-soft floor
or not at all
Robot tops or halves
scratch the darkness with sparks
the lights are out but their eyes glow
so they see
Robot tops
run their fingers over greasy holes
where the cables began
once, when they were whole
their arms could drag them but
they'd rather not move
they've given up
Robot tops or upper half ends toppled
reach for each other, pushing to the door
the scrape on the not-so-soft floor
or not at all
Robot tops or halves
scratch the darkness with sparks
the lights are out but their eyes glow
so they see
Robot tops
run their fingers over greasy holes
where the cables began
once, when they were whole
Chicopee Collection # 147
I am looking for my keys- and i walk in and out
of the room seven or eight times trying to
figure out if i'm missing anything- trying to
find something to look for-
looking for something to look for
but i can't afford to be late-
i've got a one way tiket to you
of the room seven or eight times trying to
figure out if i'm missing anything- trying to
find something to look for-
looking for something to look for
but i can't afford to be late-
i've got a one way tiket to you
Chicopee Collection # 146
poem # 1
i suspect that i am upsetting you my dear,
no worry, it will all be over soon -
the sun is setting in an orange explosion
on the horizon, and if you turn you can
see stars- the man with the telescope on
the corner finds us guilty of passing by
and shining lights on his face
- and then i remember looking for crescent moons
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^in the grass
i suspect that i am upsetting you my dear,
no worry, it will all be over soon -
the sun is setting in an orange explosion
on the horizon, and if you turn you can
see stars- the man with the telescope on
the corner finds us guilty of passing by
and shining lights on his face
- and then i remember looking for crescent moons
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^in the grass
Chicopee Collection # 141
* we had the house all to ourselves, it was very fun -
we made dinner, had the house to ourselves -
we made dinner, had the house to ourselves -
Wednesday, January 01, 1997
Roaring Spring Compositions # 119
* never going over and talking to him after class
* seeing the cute girl get up and walk out of the rooom
* i am not allowed to look at you (that guy know's i'm looking - ha!)
* after all of this time that she was having family problems i have felt completely powerless. all i could ever do was sit and listen to her complaining, explaining, and crying. all i ever thought was that it would all be alright if i were there or she were here. she just needed one person to be there, one person to listen, and she would be 100 times better. this used to really eat away at me- being unable to do anything but listen, soak it all up, and help her feel better by just getting it out. well, last night for the first time since all fo this started, i actually had something to offer. i have been listening for a year, and finally i could point out something of value to her, i tried to give her a little insight into the nature of her problems and the people that were hurting her... why they do what they do. it seemed to comfort her to be able to put their cruel/insensitive/meaningless behavior into an understandable context. i showed her that i understand where she's coming from, and i shed a little light on a possible reason why the world is the way it is. it made me feel so good to finally be able to DO something. it only took a year - maybe there's hope for me yet.
* seeing the cute girl get up and walk out of the rooom
* i am not allowed to look at you (that guy know's i'm looking - ha!)
* after all of this time that she was having family problems i have felt completely powerless. all i could ever do was sit and listen to her complaining, explaining, and crying. all i ever thought was that it would all be alright if i were there or she were here. she just needed one person to be there, one person to listen, and she would be 100 times better. this used to really eat away at me- being unable to do anything but listen, soak it all up, and help her feel better by just getting it out. well, last night for the first time since all fo this started, i actually had something to offer. i have been listening for a year, and finally i could point out something of value to her, i tried to give her a little insight into the nature of her problems and the people that were hurting her... why they do what they do. it seemed to comfort her to be able to put their cruel/insensitive/meaningless behavior into an understandable context. i showed her that i understand where she's coming from, and i shed a little light on a possible reason why the world is the way it is. it made me feel so good to finally be able to DO something. it only took a year - maybe there's hope for me yet.
Roaring Spring Compositions # 117
* the asshole guy who plays chess is loud, he talks and talks and talks.
* bricks turn into red dust, i realise that i'm making baby steps - and that when it's all over, it just starts over.
* you knew what i would do, you told me, i do it anyway.
* when i close my eyes i see it, i see it from above - i see it in blurred slow motion - i want people to see me with my eyes shut tight, ********, no one notices and i continue to have my daydream ********** all through lunch - it lasts all weekend, and ends when you call me ... and then i procede ...
* bricks turn into red dust, i realise that i'm making baby steps - and that when it's all over, it just starts over.
* you knew what i would do, you told me, i do it anyway.
* when i close my eyes i see it, i see it from above - i see it in blurred slow motion - i want people to see me with my eyes shut tight, ********, no one notices and i continue to have my daydream ********** all through lunch - it lasts all weekend, and ends when you call me ... and then i procede ...
Roaring Spring Compositions # 115
* i keep seeing your hair - and i think it's you for that one second - and i feel the rush - and then it's gone.
* coffee shaking - heart skips - good heart skips - life-giving.
* the stars are his marker...
* blonde highlights that you didn't like - eyes that you thought were uninteresting - i went out of my way to let you know that they (you) were exceptional. you blushed and i loved that you were blushing.
* when you called me "dad" you punished me for worrying too much about you, make me feel like the bad guy - guilt.
* you loved flowers and stuffed animals - was that the best i could do, all i had to offer? it was what i was reduced to , the only channels of expression readily available. later, i would write many a song to let it out.
* we used to call each other in the morning before we left for school - if we worried that one was mad at the other - or if we missed each other last night... wet in my bath robe at the bottom of the stairs.
* "you no like, i change"
* coffee shaking - heart skips - good heart skips - life-giving.
* the stars are his marker...
* blonde highlights that you didn't like - eyes that you thought were uninteresting - i went out of my way to let you know that they (you) were exceptional. you blushed and i loved that you were blushing.
* when you called me "dad" you punished me for worrying too much about you, make me feel like the bad guy - guilt.
* you loved flowers and stuffed animals - was that the best i could do, all i had to offer? it was what i was reduced to , the only channels of expression readily available. later, i would write many a song to let it out.
* we used to call each other in the morning before we left for school - if we worried that one was mad at the other - or if we missed each other last night... wet in my bath robe at the bottom of the stairs.
* "you no like, i change"
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