last night i had a dream that i was at the cannes film festival, i think. (the reason i say that is because i remember talking with people about a film called "osama". now i don't know if that's just my brain filling in for "fahrenheit 9/11", but anyway...). i don't remember much except that it was on a beach. there were lots of people there in bathing suits and bikinis. i found an open deck chair next to a bunch of other people and started mingling, talking with a girl on my left. there was a college-feel to the scene; it was not present-day, per se. i think in this dream i was a single guy and trying to meet chicks. i felt awkward, but i was trying to be outwardly confident. that's it. i think had this dream because i was talking with someone over the weekend about how bad i was at being single.

cello there

so yeah, here i am sitting at my old desk with my old group at my old job. on paper i have gotten a promotion to a different job in a neighboring department, but my computer is not ready, so here i am. i actually have some lingering projects to wrap up and/or hand over, and also a training manual to write; so it's not a big deal that i'm stuck here. but at the same time i wish it were just over already and i could get into my new job. i'll be travelling, regionally, in stead of coming to the office every day. the travelling in the beginning will probably be the toughest because i will be in training mode. that means that i will be travelling with other people, to "shadow" and learn from them in the field. this means, of course, that i will be a slave to their schedule, and also that i will be travelling all over the place, even across the country, since there aren't enough people around here who can train me. whatever! the point is, in the beginnign it will be tough... so it will be a sink-or-swim test for whether or not it will throw my family-life into disarray. if we make it through this summer, the rest should be easier, because i will be making my own schedule and also staying closer to home, generally. furthermore, i am excited to start already because i will be learning a whole lot more than i ever would in this old job- i'm finally getting into the mainstream research side of the business.

oh yeah, and also i got a package in the mail yesterday from this lady who i met in europe at my training seminar. background: we were all cooped up in this hotel & conference center, and there was a billiards room with a piano in one part of the building. i was sitting and enjoying a beer in an adjacent room while flipping through a dutch art history book, when i heard the piano next door. it was beautifully played classical piano music, i honestly thought it might be a player-piano becuase it sounded that good. anyway, she was someone who i knew, and i complimented her between songs but then retreated back to my couch in the next room- i got the feeling that she didn't like to be watched. i sat and enjoyed a few more songs, finishing my beer and looking at more paintings in the book. later, at dinner, i brought it up again and we got to talking about music. she said she had studied piano ever since she was young, and that she continued to play as often as she could. she mentioned that she would always play for her family, but liked to provide background music for dinners and get-togethers, as opposed to recitals, where she felt that she was being watched too closely. we got to talking about how she is in the process of learning the cello. i mentioned that i know a little about cello music, and that i really enjoyed yo-yo ma's bach cello suites; and i asked if she had any reccomendations. she told me that she has friends who are professional musicians and music teachers, and that they have an excellent CD. they are a couple that play as a duet; one plays a classical guitar and the other plays the cello. the cd sounded very interesting, especially since i also like classical guitar music. so i gave her some money and she promised to send me one. i listened to it last night while having dinner with my son. he didn't seem to mind it. i liked it very much. it's a pretty diverse selection of songs; and the arrangement is very dynamic, including some string scraping and guitar/cello body tapping for precussion. all in all i like it very much. oh, and in the package was a photo of a mountaintop (the alps?), towering above the clouds, and a note. i plan to write back and tell her i like the cd very much.

here i am in amsterdam

i was in the airport in amsterdam for about 1/2 hour, then took a cab through lots of cow-country to get to this corporaste training center here in misty, cool, overcast Sint-Michielsgestel, at the De Ruwenberg conference center. it´s very much out in the sticks, but it´s nice in that it´s serene and relaxing. there´s lots of grass, outdoor sculpture, benches near little ponds, a few fountains. there´s a little town nearby down the road with a few resturants, shops, and a pub- but they are all closed today so it looks like i´m stuck here. there is one other organon person who i met at the airport and we talked about doubling back to amsterdam to see the sights, but just now we looked at each other and simultaiously realised that we´re pretty tired and that the drive might literally put us to sleep, and our main goal is to stay up all day today to make sure we get on local time ASAP.... so we´ll see. the museums can wait, i suppose.

going to the netherlands

so i got in the car at 3:00 sharp back at home, and the driver whisked me away to newark airport. right away he asked me when my flight took off, and we quickly determined that they had scheduled my pickup at least an hour early. he had me there in 15 minutes or so, and then i had about 2 hours to kill before my plane actually borded. i guess with international flights they leave you a lot of time, but in this instance it was unecessay. i got a salad thingy at this cafe and then i went through security. they didn´t make me take off my shoes or anything. i went to the terminal and got a coffee and started reading some material for my training. there was a german family waiting for the same plane, and they had a young girl and a baby girl, about 1 year old. they were cute and it made me miss my boy.

'Well, let it pass, he thought; April is over, April is over. There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice.'

- Fitzgerald

chimp friends

moon wrote:

'Get a chimp high
Make him drive a bumper car
Sit back
Enjoy the ride'

amazing. imagine if you blogged all this stuff?

God help us.

it would become in instant internation sensation. the most popular blog in lithuania. they will think chimps and cheetahs run the country. (they do) lithuanian: 'chwen i kom to amerrika, i vil orlder a 'cheetah size frize' at MAC donaaldz... and vill eat it vit chimp... yez, many chimp vriend i vill half' "

the equally potent correlary

while writing email today at work and discussing the finer points of FDA policy with my pen pal and sometimes-intellectual-nemesis 'the BFF King', I was also on the phone with my wife with my son playing in the background, and he fell and hit his head and was crying, and my wife dropped the phoen to pick him up and console him, and i swear my heart nearly burst out of my chest and into the phone to try and see if he was OK. he cried a lot, but he was fine after a little bit, and my wife picked up the phone again. thank goodness.
it's an indescribable feeling, having a kid...

kid = normal happiness x 1 million

but also, the less-frequent but equally potent correlary

kid = normal worry/fear/anxiety x 1 million

"Age... garrulous, recounts the feats of youth."

-James Thomson, Autumn

brewdoggie

heeeere brewdoggie! heeere brewdoggie! good boyy!

(glug, glug, glug)

GOOD DOGGIE~~!!!

burp!

(pass out)

ITfDfRBRR

IRS Form 1615-A: Itemization Table for Deductions for Rock-Band Related Revelry (ITfDfRBRR)

Date Amount Description
2/28/04 $ 615.22 6 hours spent dry heaving into a contruction cone on the off-ramp to I-9 in Nashville TN.

Date Amount Description
2/15/04 $ 98.00 Deduction for mental pain and suffering related to band-mate taunting, after being shown photographic evidence that indeed, you did make out with the girl with one leg last night after the show.

seeing is believeing, part III

Oh, by the way, my eyes have been fine. This computer/IT dude was at my desk and he changed my settings on my monitor so that it's radiating at a higher megahertz rate or whatever. so it's frying my eyes with even more juice, but it feels good- no more pain. go figure.

drag day

i'm dragging a little today. i'm thinking about all of the time i'll be spending away from home when traveling for work, and thinking that i should savor my family time a littl emore thna i currently do... so like clockwork my wife informed me that she's going out shopping with her mom tonight and that i have our son all to myself for dinner and bath/bedtime. wish granted!

ouch

i just went to pick up my phone on my desk here at work, and as i lifted the phone to my head i hit myself in the eye with the phone. so despite the fact that i had my morning cup of coffee, it seems as though my brain is not yet fully functioning. i better not get a bruise. this can't bode well for the rest of my day today.

seeing is believeing, part II

that optometrist lady is an idiot, my eyes are hurting more than ever. i tried wearing my old glasses, but i think they made it worse. i don't know. i also try staring at somethign far away every 10 minutes, like she said... that might be helping. but the point is- that lady must have missed something because i am having a problem. your eyeballs aren't supposed to hurt.

the light at the end of the produce aisle

i was in costco today, walking my son around in the stroller while my wife was shopping, when the lights in the whole place suddenly went out. suprisingly, no on ereally panicked, even though at least half the store was so dark that you couldn't see your hand in front of your face. i was close to the large front door, so i could see by virtue of the sunlight coming in. either way, most people slowly made their way to the light. but at the same time, there was that old familiar feeling- i bet everyone was feeling it to- i thought to myself that there had been some kind of terrorist attack that knocked out a power plant or something. i remeber hearing a commentator some time not to long after september 11th, who described people's TV-watching habits in the weeks afterwards- he said that people were glued to their 24-hour cable-news channels, watching, waiting for the news to end. and they would see it live- provided that they, or the TV station's transmission facility, was not instantly vaporized or something. so anyway, the lights came back on after a little while and things went back to normal... except that the photo-printing machine blew a fuse or something and we can't get our pictures until monday.

this past weekend i had a dream about being in italy. i believe i was there with family, at the very least i recall being there with my son. anyway, i was there visiting relatives. i was with an uncle of mine, who had immigrated to the US in his early 20's and has lived hear for another 20, and who was back there living in italy again. he was showing me his place and urging me to stay there for an extended period of time... like a month. his house was a nice villa on a farm, with all the typical imagery- bathed in soft golden light; bales of hay; bunches of grapes; hand-made pasta; fresh olives and tomatoes; beautiful marble floors; comfortabe, simple, wooden furniture; balconies overlooking farm valleys. all these things i saw on my trip to italy. we spent one long day on a train, riding from rome to florence. we accidentally ended up on a "local" train, which made all the stops. in retrospect, it was nice. we got to stop and see many small towns on the way, rather than speeding past them all. beautiful fields of gain, one amazing sunflower field. anyway, i wanted to stay, i wanted to raise my son there, in such a rich, natural setting. i was torn, i felt the urgency of life at home- nagging me. it was the embodiment of my longing for a simpler life- an invitation from a welcoming, generous relative to whisk my family away to an idyllic, pastoral life. i don't think i'm explaining it very well, but whatever.

seeing is believeing

so i went to the eye doctor because i had been noticing that my vision is not as clear as it used to be. i thought maybe i would be able to get away with not needing glasses before i'm old and grey- but apparentlt this is not the case. i made an appointment, printed out online driving directions, and went on my way. i took the wierd eye test two times, with two different people, looking through this crazy machine and having lazers shoot into my eyes and this ting touch my cornea. they gave me wierd drops in my eyes, which i hated. and in the end, the doctor is like: "you're eyes are good." and she wrote me a perscription for glasses to use for diving at night and for looking at far-away things like movies at the theatre and overhead projectors. i felt a little cheated. i was all ready to start wearing glasses- i had prepared myself. oh well, whatever. so my eyes were dialated and i couldn't see anything close up. driving home was fun, couldn't read my directions, or the street signs. i made it back, though. i stopped at the bakery and the pizza place, for dinner and dessert. in the bakery i was looking ing the little display cases... but i couldn't read the little signs so i didn't know what anything was. the old lady behind the counter at the bakery was rude to me in a crabby-old-lady kind of way when she asked if i needed help and i said "i'm having trouble deciding", she responded with a sardonic "well you only have 1/2 an hour till we close". i wanted to say, "F you, if you think i'm ever coming here again!". but a younger girl behind the counter sort of sepped in and was nice to me. i explained to her that i just had my eyes dialated and she helped me understand what i was looking at. the old lady tried to warm up to me a little and kept suggesting the tiramasu. but i purposely didn't even consider it because that lady pissed me off. for all i know the tiramasu was better than what i ended up buying, but really i don't care becuase the satisfaction of ignoring that lady was sweeter than anything in that store.

last night i had a horrifying dream where i tried to save someone from drowning, but i couldn't. it was in like a subterranean storm drain thingy, where they had fallen, and i jumped in after. i was underwater and was wearing this heavy jacket; swimming in it was impossible, i couldn't move my arms fast enough- like i was swimming in glue. and the person disappeared, was sucked into a pipe, as i reached out and grabbed for them. a feeling of paralysis and panic and fright, and the dream cut off there. my heart sinks into the pit of my stomach just writing about it.

finger painting

so today i came into work with a beatuiful red finger paining from my 1 year old son. it was made at a baby class with my wife yesterday. it's his first official artwork (if you don't count crayons on resturant placemats). it's red paint on newsprint. there are two distinct handprints, and also a lot of smearing and stuff. i love it. i put it up in my cubicle. the first of many, no doubt. yet another item to check off on my list of obligatory proud-daddy hallmarks.

debaucherous wine room

went out last saturday night with my cube-neighbor friend from work, and his girlfriend from the legal department. i had a seafood feast of a swordfish steak, calamari, clams, etc, in marinara sauce... it was nice but the service was exceptionally slow, and i complained to the manager after dinner, and he gave us 50% of the bill in gift certificates... which was nice.

sunday we went to a formal part at a dining hall/country club for my wife's great aunt's 80th b-day. they had some excellent food, including wonderful shrimp. there were oysters but i passed. i had a little too much to drink, and crashed when we got home. i should have shoveled slushy snow that had been accumulating on the driveway alll day in stead of goign to this part and getting ripped. it all turned to ice and now it will be there all winter.

but at the dining hall they had this amazing subteranian basement room, like a wine tasting room. (i wandered there while walking the baby around)... it was all dark with lots of stone and wrought iron and dimly lit with flickering organe fake-candle chandliers. with old carved wood shairs with bright red upholstry, all set up in a row with the big, ornate chair in the middle. i sat the baby down in it an stepped back and he looked like a little prince. and all of these cool dusty old bottles of wine everywhere in the walls. behind this gate was this old, carved table set with old fashioned metal platesm goblets, and stuff. it was like right out of a midevil paining. i magined having a debaucherous wine and cheese party there. it was like heaven.

album cover art

silo man

last night i had a dream that i saw on a cruise ship with bono from U2. it was like a 9/11 cruise ship dream. boats were racing everywhere in an attempt to avoid various terrorists who were trying to crash into cruise liners and yacths with their own boats and planes. we crashed into another boat. i was disoriented and i almost lost sight of and got separated form my wife and son, but i grabbed onto the back of their rescue boat and held on before it sped away.

rip your heart out

some people can write music that just rips your heart out. they somehow tap into that cosmic jungian stream of basic, raw human emotion, and channel it into words and music. i don't think it's a skill. i thint it's like lightning, it just happens.

waiting in the closet

on the way home from vacation in the western carribian i left my favorite old dirty faded nj nets hat on the plane. i realized this while claiming our baggage at the airport, and announced it out loud. my mother-in-law said "yay!". i guess it was time to retire that old hat. i have a new one waiting in the closet.

thought

i miss spending significant amounts of time sitting in cafes/diners- drinking coffee and reading, even if it was for school. a simple pleasure, long gone. lately, we've been very very busy- but hypothetically, yes, i could skip out at night after the baby and my wife are asleep and go to a starbucks and order a latte and read john fante. but right now, it feels as if it's a lost art from a dead, forgotten age

snack warrior

so i went to the snack machine and got a pack of M&M's. i poured the content onto my desk, so i could pick through them and eat each color in succession (obsessive-compulsive, i know). first blue (my least favorite), then green, red, yellow, and orange; i left brown for last. when i had finished all the other colors, the remaining nine brown M&M's formed the unmistakable pattern of the constellation orion on my desk. what does this mean? is aurora warning me to beware of scorpions? or is it just a sign that winter is beginning?

hot milk

i'm pretty sure that, in heaven, after making the long journey up the tunnel with the light at the end, trudging through acres of knee-deep snow through the rolling hills of limbo, you are beckoned and finally greeted inside the pearly gates by the angels with hot milk and raspberry cookies.

(man-lo day memories, of frolicking drunk in the snow, drinking jd by the boat, and coming back inside to "hot milk" and cookies.)

doors and all

ah, so i took yesterday off from work... we had movers move all the big stuff from our condo to the house. i was helping a lot because they were paid by the hour- so now i'm sore here and there, especially my back. have you ever taken a apart and put together a fridge, doors and all? it's fun, fun, fun! but really, everything went quite well. i did have to rip the moldings off the basement door to get my desk into the house. thank goodness, it fits in the low-ceiling basement office. and the fridge fot too! i was there late last night again after dinner, moving furniture into its likely final resting places. it was exciting to feel like it was really coming together! it feels like a home finally, not just an empty shell or whetever. we're still not moved in- staying at my in-laws tonight. technically its ready to move into, but with the baby we want to wait until it's really 100% ready. as long as one or the other set of grandparents is willing to take us in, we'll keep goin'. more work to do the next few nights after work, but it's coming along. ...i met the mailman yesterday, he seems nice.

movin' out

i came to the computer to post a song title in my song blog and i figured i'd post here as well and say that i'm abotu to move out of this place, and therefore i soon have to pack up this computer and stuff. what a pain in the ass moving is... especially when it's a blizzard outside. anyway, off i go!

sunny sunday

so we closed on the deal for our new house, and i spent most of my thanksgiving weekend painting and scraping and sanding and stuff. on sunday, as i was working on one of the windows in my son's new bedroom, i saw him and my wife out in the front yard. she was talking to our new neighbors, who are also a young couple with a 1-year old. my son and the other kid were walking around in circles on the lawn in their cute little winter coats with fur-fringed hoods. it was a brief moment of levity in an otherwise monotonous day of house-prep work.

breakfast part II

this morning:

* coffee
* granola bar
* lightly toasted "dreaming of ithaca"
* a bit of "celery and syrup"
* a fresh slice of "she's dressed nicely today"

and now i am enjoying a long-lasting "yo-yo ma cello suites" lozenge

this morning i had for breakfast

2 cups of coffee
one granola bar
one heaping spoonful of 'when she turns gold into gold'
a sprinkle of 'blue skulls'
and small glass of 'ecuador'

i had a dream that i was in a room full of people who were listening to and discussing my music. on vinyl nonetheless a dream, indeed.

cold feet

nothing helps cold feet on a chilly late fall morning like a pair of thick fuzzy socks.

last night i had a dream that i was driving up the overpass onto route 287 north, but i had to stop at the top of the ramp, becuase someone had put a shopping cart night in the middle of the road. i had to get out of the car to move it out of the way. i rolled it over to the side of the road, where there were two other shopping carts. later on in the dream, i was back in high school- and i was wearing a fleece vest that my mother in law got for me in whistler, colorado. for some reason i was apprehensive about wearing it. some archtypal football-player tough-guy who was wearing the same kind of vest, came over to me and gave me a compliment on it... i have no idea what this dream is about, or how the two parts are related.

i had a F'd up dream last night. i was going to a party at my friend brian's parents house in the town where i grew up. brian, after going to california and pursuing life as a rock star for a few years, was returning home to see everyone before he went away to join the army. as i walked onto the front steps of his house i noticed two things: 1) several children, next-door neighbors i presume, playing nearby on the grass; 2) a full needle & syringe, presumably filled with heroin. my initial thought was that of shock... why is there a needle here? so close to these kids? i think i picked up the youngest of the children who was playing close to the steps, in order to prevent him from getting too close- and because i didn't want to have to touch the needle to move it out of the way. just then, a fellow who must have been walking up with me (an acquaintance of mine from work), picked up the syringe. he started sticking himself with it, shooting himself up in his face. i told him that he was crazy, and that it could be diseased. he didn't care. and then he stuck the needle in my head. i though to myself- shit, now i'm going to get whatever he gets... but then i started to feel high and i didn't care. i went around the back of the house, to the party. brian was in an officer's uniform, with thick boots, with metal strips on the bottom. he was kicking, digging his heels into the ground, making a deep hole. that's it.

sharing an omlette

yesterday my wife went out for an afternoon with one of her girlfriends, and i watched the baby. i took him to the center of the town to which we are about to relocate. although i am familiar with the town, i wanted to get out on foot and look around. besides, it was a nice day anyway. i parked and put my son in the stroller, and walked to a deli/diner resturant. i ordered an omlette and a turkey sandwich. my son was hungry and ate most of the omlette. i finished only 1/2 of the turkey sadwich, but i finished off the omlette. the leftover 1/2 sandwich went into a to-go box, and went under the stroller in the stoage thingy. then we walked around town, into a few stores, but mostly just looking around and taking stock of what was there. as usual, my son enjoy watching all the people and cars go by. i also sang to him while we walked. i went to all the little quircky memorial parks, and read all of the commemorative plaques. there was one plaque, for the rotary club, that was obscured by plant growth and fallen leaves. i brushed them aside with my foot an read it aloud, like the others, but with a little more satisfaction. after a while, we had covered the whole area and made it back to the car, and packed up and drove away. my son fell asleep right before we pulled in front of the house. i ran inside and got a can of soda and the new york times magazine, and came back out and sat on the curb and read, while listening for my son, still sleeping in his car seat. the sun was nice and warm. i though about how nice it would be to have regular father-son afternoons every weekend in our new town, now and in the future- always starting out at the same resturant, ordering the same thing, talking, and then going to the playground or something. then again, if i start going to get my master's degree, maybe i won't have the time... but then again, why make time for anything before that? he slept for about 20 minutes; half-way into and article on linguistics i heard him whimpering, and i got him and brought him inside.

last night i had yet another "9/11 dream". i was on the street in a nondescript large suburban town, like morristown maybe. i saw something large diving down through the sky, leaving a trail of black smoke. it looked like a very large plane. it disappeared over the top of some nearby buildings, and there was a large explosion. i dove on the sidewalk by a bus stop and tried to cover and brace myself for debris. i was showered with suffocating ash, and i immediately got up to my knees, and then onto my feet, and retreated under an overhang of a nearby building. vaguely, i remember something about there being another person nearby, a woman, who was also ducking for cover- but it wasn't my wife or anyone i knew. -that's it.

house mix

so today we're going to officially be putting in an offer on a house. i signed all the papers on saturday- something like 50 pages of signatures and initials for me and my wife. it's almost as if they drag it out just to prolong the anxiety of the transaction. of course, it's not really a transaction until the seller comes back with an acceptance. we'll see how that goes.

it's worth noting, that the house we're going with is not the same house as i mentioned in my last blog. the first house was: a little further away from where we want to be, a little more expensive (both price and taxes), in need of a little more work (esp. in respect to bathrooms); but it also had a bigger yard, and more room inside. the new house is in a nicer neighborhood, further from busy roads, and with more families around. i can see many swing sets in neighbors' back yards. that's important. it does have lower ceilings, which is a little annoying but still OK.

on top of that, we saw one last house this weekend, in a nearby town. it was a similar price but with lower taxes. the land was nice, and the neighborhood was OK. the biggest problem was that it's basement was not finished off, but rather, it was filled with crap and it looks like it had water problems. that and they had just way to much clutter and crap to really get a feel for what the place would be like (for us). it's so much nicer to look at a place when it's empty. oh, and they had an annoying little dog that would not stop barking. in the end, the experience of seeing this one last place served to reinforce our feelings about the place on which we're making an offer... which we needed.

waiter on providence

so i went house-hunting this weekend and i guess you could say it went well. we've decided to take the first step towards 'pulling the trigger' on a house that we think is really right for us. it's nerve-wracking to sign away your life on a peice of paper and buy a house that is seemingly worth more than i ever feel like i'll earn in my whole life; but when i think of my son playing in that nice big back yard, suddenly it is all very clear to me. i picture myself pitching wiffle balls to him, and him swinging that fat red plastic bat- that is what i want, that is what i work for.

i had harsh, homemade white wine tonight; but the tea is just right.

surprise and pride

this morning as i walked through the revolving door, i saw the annoying cigarette-mooching lady b.s.'ing with the security guards. poor, poor security guards. that lady is truly annoying; and the guards just might be out a few cigarettes as well. so i got to my desk, and my boss sarcastically informed me that i deserved a gold star for arriving early. now, she didn't actually have a gold star sticker for me; but if she did i would have worn it all day, proudly. that's just the kind of mood i'm in today. a stale, sour mood. i'm wearing jeans and sneakers to work today, in return for donating $5 to a breast cancer research charity. this blog has no F-ing point. there is a mini basketball hoop over the recycle bin next to my cubicle. every time i get the chance (when i F something up and i have to throw it away) i crumple up the paper into a ball and take a shot. it's like the paper-ball equivalent of a 10-footer, not a 3-pointer by any means, but anyway, i often miss. but yesterday i made 4 in a row, which was a record. that was the highlight of my day, until i went home and saw my son take a few spontaneous, shaky steps, on his own, towards me (he's learning to walk). the look on his face was one of surprise and pride. that is what really made my day yesterday.

supermarket radio

so tonight after i put the baby to bed i grabbed the shopping list and went to the supermarket across the street. i parked the car and i opened the door carefully, making sure to avoid hitting the BWD next to which i had parked. i walked to the front door, stopping right before the automatic door to get a shopping cart. i wasn't sure if i really needed a whole shopping cart, but i didn't want to be stuck carrying a heavy, overladed, scuzzy handbasket. i headed straight or the deli counter, figuring that i would want to be sure to get my cheese order in before the counter closed. pushing me empty cart ahead of me, i high-talied it over to the deli coutner. there was one other guy there, and he was just finishing up. the lady behind the counter handed him his order and then looked at me and said, "what can i get you?". i said "half a pound of white american cheese." she said "do you want foodtown brand, or land o' lakes". now, i am 1/2 deaf, so i didn't quite catch the name of the premium brand- but i understood the jist of her question. so, rather than say "huh?" and make her repeat herself, i said: "the latter, please". she stood, with her back to me, and hesitated for a second, and turned around and said "i'm sorry, what?" she probably heard me just fine, she just didn;t understand what i meant. in an attempt to avoid embarasment at my hearing, now i am coming across as a spaz who uses SAT words with the deli lady at the supermarket. i reply, "the second one, not foodtown." she says, "land o' lakes?" "yes, please," i say.

later on, while picking out fruit, these two songs were played consecutively over the foodtown radio: "keep the faith" by bon jovi, and "a little bit me, and a little bit you" by the monkees. the bon jovi song made my think about my old boss, who is a lustfull jon bon jovi fan. the monkees song made me think of my friend the IOD, and how he believes strongly that the monkees were excellent songwriters in their own right. so i thought to myself: is this one of the songs they wrote? ...the answer is, of course, no; it was neil diamond. but it just so happens that this song was at the center of a blowup over the "50% monkees" contoversy, which resulted in the firing of producer don kirshner. it just so happens that don insistesd on releasing this single with "she hangs out", by jeff barry, as the b-side. the monkees revolted, pulled the single, and fired don. the single was released later with michael nesmith's "the girl i knew somewhere". sadly, mike was not allowed to sing on the recording- becuase he was not allowed to sing on singles at the time. micky dolenz song instead. but what's important is that it was a victory for the monkees: their third single was "50% monkees".

band name / song title

band: "the dirt naps"

song: "flowers departure"

song title

"i can see you from space"

song titles

"make it rain"
"please make it rain"
or "just make it rain"

song titles

"debbie's holster"
"mumble pie"

my dream last night went as follows: i was in high school, but i was as i am now, married with a baby. it was early in the morning before dawn, and was wandering around the back of the high school looking for a place to put a few garbage bags. i wanted to find a dumpster, but there was a security camera nearby, so in stead i found a wire wastebasket. later on, i was driving to school with some friends. i was in the back seat with the baby. i was trying to hold onto the baby and my lunch at the same time. my lunch was an order of mu shu chicken from a chinese restaurant. it wasn't wrapped up and it had too much sauce on it. it was getting all over me and the baby's stuffed animals. the smell was making the driver and passenger in the front seat hungry. we had arrived and were in the school parking lot. my friends got out of the car, but i was still inside with the baby. i was now giving him a bath. the back seat of the car was now mostly filled with warm water. my friends were looking in the window, and they wanted to help but i told them not to open the door because the water would all flow out and the baby would be cold. i found a baby towel in the trunk of the car. my friends got back into the front seat to watch; they were going to be late for class, but were staying with me in a show of support and solidarity. the scene flashes to a classroom. the teacher is making roll call. when the teacher calls my name, someone answers for me. the teacher look over to my desk, and sees a pile of baseball caps. all of the kids in the class are trying to cover for me by taking off their hats, piling them on my desk, and insisting that it is me.

back, in black

today marks the return of my long-absent co-worker, who lost her son back in august. she was out on bereavement and/or unpaid leave. she is wearing all black. i said hello and b.s.'d with her about printing digital photos at Costco and my weekend. i didn't give her a hug or ask her how she is; even though i sort of wanted to, it didn't feel right. it's hard to know what to do in a situation like that, to know what's appropriate. maybe she just wants to be treated like a normal person, and not consoled or pampered.

vintage

this morning while driving into work i listened to yet another recently-uncovered vintage demo tape of my band from high school. i found it in my parents attic this past weekend. there are about six boxes full of old stuff still up there. when i move into a new house some day i will have more room to take the last of that stuff. so anyway, the tape: like many before it, the volume is too low, the mix is bad, there's too much hiss, and i don't sing very well. but still it made me happy to listen to it. i was having trouble enjoying it as mush as i should have, because i was late for work and frustrated. the windows wouldn't de-fog. traffic was slowing to look at a car that had run off the road. at least two times i found myself yelling at the top of my lungs at the car in front of me. now my throat hurts, but i think it's because i am getting sick. i'm sneezing a lot, but i'm not congested. i just took a pill, which will probably help, but also probably will put me to sleep.

song titles

"my asymptote"
"you will know my name"
"drving through a cloud"
"keep your dissonance"
"i lost your number"

song titles

"No More Rainbows"
"We Applaud You"
"Make Haste"
"The Tallest Prison Tower"
"Everyday is the Same"
"You Leave Me Wondering"
"Dandelion Chains"
"Whisper it in my Ear"
"How Very Sad"
"Slow Motion Lover"
"The Last Keg Line"

song / album title

name a carlsonics album or song after an anagram of each of the band member's names. for example:

Aaron Carlson = Carnal Sonora

'Carnal Sonora'

Carnal: 1. Relating to the physical and especially sexual appetites: carnal desire. 2. Of or relating to the body or flesh; bodily: carnal remains.

Sonora: Western US small ground snake. 'These secretive snakes are seldom encountered, but can occasionally be found by turning debris in the daytime, out in the open near sunset, or on desert roads at night'.

concept album

this is an idea i have for a potential carlsonics record. it would be called "the carlsonics go solo"

it would follow a pattern much like the who's "the who sell out," except where the who has mini-commercial's in between the songs, this record would have short snippets of songs from each of the band member's solo careers. each "solo" career would be in some ridiculous genre. here are some potential solo musical genres..

- A barbershop quartet that the one person sings all the parts for
- grindcore/power violence (it really exists, though i've never heard it! i'm sure we could get creative though.)
- really over the top psychedelia about elves and snow queens
- french pop
- vaudeville (davy jones style monkees songs!)
- gospel
- holiday music (like a halloween album)


etc, etc...

the album art would be the most fun of all. pictures of our solo album covers.

concept album / song title

a concept album about all of the presidents of the United states. one song for each president, in order, from george washington to george w. bush. each song could be made up on the spot, recorded in one take, with only a history book in front of you. also, you should be drunk.

what should you sing about millard fillmore, you ask?

title: "the Know-Nothing Ticket"

it should be about him getting drunk the night after he was sworn in (he was not inaugurated!)- and he hallucinates and thinks that he's just been appointed captain of a pirate ship. drinking pirates. and he stands up on the bar and announces that he will change the national bird to the whiskey hawk. then he passes out.

either that or song about signing the compromise of 1850.

song titles

"Puppet with Broken Strings"

"Anytime"

song title / lyrics

"circumcised in gloom"

when ether is detected
in my wells of chardonnay
i remove the bandage
by calling it a day

pale gold is slowly seeping
to the corners of the room
here i sit, uncorked and breathing,
circumcised in gloom

lyrics

Funky Skunk
(by the IOD)

Funky Skunk wears shades and plays a mean bass
Funky Skunk rocks hard with the band and lays down a phat groove!
Funky Skunk practices all day and does his best when he's with his band
Funky Skunk plays for the ladies and likes to create
Funky Skunk tears up the stage with his solid thumping licks!
Funky Skunk is afraid of tomorrow and cries himself to sleep every night

band name

"the alcopostels"

pronounced al-co-pos-els

like apostles, but with 'alca' in stead of 'a'

song title

"(a) false dawn"

concept album

album or song about going to college for kayaking. in stead of an "A" the best grade is a "G". working towards your doctoral thesis at viking univeristy, institute of kayaking studies.

"course 101 principles of kayaking"
"course 202 the angle, the elispe and its tangients"
"course 300 the gregg lectures"
"course 401 field study: the estling lake annex"

song titles

"Your Father Won't Know"
"It Grows on Trees"
"Audrey on my Mind"
"Let Us Ventilate"
"The Sleepy Congregation"
"Chinese Checkers"
"(Without You) I'm Omnipotent"
"Got Caught Eavesdroppin'"
"Not The Top Bunk"
"Virgin Squid"
"I Do, Yes, I Do"
"You Don't Know Me Like That"
"Sever These Ties"
"Mostly Martha"
"Got My Fortune Read"
"Quantum Dew"
"Mommy's Cameo"
"Unconditional, Conditionally"
"You Can't Keep Running"

song title

"Perseus Cluster in B flat"

band name / concept album

band name: 'Coriolis Effect'
debut album: 'Angular Momentum'

and the album would be a vinyl record, with a picture
of the galaxy or a hurricane on the disk.

and the band members would all be named after famous storms/galaxies:

guitar: floyd andromeda
drums: andrew triangulum

lyrics

the sun does not shine,
so much as it cries light
as it tries to flush out
the specks of darkness in its eye

song titles

"Wet Wombat Turpentine Jamborree"

"Lost in the City"

lyrics

watching a black hole breathing,
the grand rapids have opened wide,
and its dirty laundry hanging,
as we peer deep down inside.

concept album & song titles

"timmy's tierra in the collafterlife"

1. unraveling (reprise)
2. light tunnel
3. access denied
4. stadium parking
5. collafterlife
6. and sometimes y
7. dewey decimation
8. the ascension

Temping for the afterlife!

maybe, as part of purgatory, before entering heaven, you have to temp for a while in hell, in the outer rings. for example, they would put you in a huge football stadium filled with millions papers that are blowing all around in a strong whipping wind... and you have to put them in alphabetical order, and there are no paperweights, so the stacks keep blowing over. and there are file cabinets, but they are all different sizes, and the drawers stick, and the keys don't work. and maybe there are even other collators who are trying to put them in reverse order.

bonus track: "paperweight on my heart"

band / album title

"(the) patronizing tones"

song / album title

"veins gushing extacy"

song title / concept

"why is it we never talk about ocelots any more?"

at the very least, the song title of a sarcastic love ballad about a male and female zookeeper who work in the "big cats" section, and who were romantically involved, but have had a falling-out, possibly over something like the tigers' feeding schedule.

song title

"shifting sands"

tonight's menu

Tonight's menu consists of crisp brown Shanghai duck in an almond demiglaze served with an apple tart confection. Humble servant Miss Harriet will put on a marionette show using a frustrating web of fine ram tendons as string while simultaneously belying her discomforting affinity for translucent chalk. Afterwards, little Timmy will play his violin and cry blood. All guests will be accompanied to the Retributive Grid as such in that they have violated conditions of the Treatise of Nymn.

Brunch will be served on the chrysanthemum veranda; simply follow the trail of leeks. The humid June air will kiss the dew off scorned lovers’ lips while we sip Sicilian table wine. Lance will hopscotch in the courtyard donned with his tiara of fire, while the scantily clad priestesses confined to the watercress fountains commiserate accordingly. Vanessa will adjust The Harness to accommodate the most trying wails. Rats will be coaxed out of rueful stupor to perform excellent tricks for viewers equipped with the radon ocular appendage, logged precariously in selected skulls.

Afterwards we will take a pleasant stroll in the garden maze, floating three-to-four inches off the earth, hovering through winding, inviting hallways of ivy and holly. Let us be enraptured by romance and bewilderment at the enchanting scents of crisp lilac and impending summer. Crowns of thistles and dandelion gowns swelter ‘round our heads like lethargic halos, leading us to an opening of deep grass and cascading, pink light – where we dip our soft toes in cages of water. Let us then ferry past the island of burning scarecrows to a doorway, arched with a heart-shaped hedge, where Samantha waits with a rose in her hair, courageously maintaining her composure as she waves to you a bouquet of quivering flowers and fingers.

by the BFF King

song titles

1. She Misses Mitch
2. Warm
3. Putting Up Maps
4. Skull Urn
5. (I Now Regret) That Thing I Did
6. Do I Stand A Chance?
7. Coal Age
8. No Way To Live
9. Morehead Correctional Facility 3rd Annual Mock Prison Riot
10. It’s In The Pipeline
11. No one is supposed to know the future
12. A Suspended Arch Bridge of One
13. It’s No Wonder
14. Skull Puppet
15. Little Polly Mathematician
16. Transitory Hush
17. Doin’ Hard Time (For Cryin’)
18. You Can Read Between The Lines
19. I’m The Last To Know
20. The Picture Came With The Frame
21. Your Love Makes the Grade
22. Meet Me Here (rip off 1st song on Windy and Carl, at the end)
23. No One Is Supposed To Know The Future
24. Got No Cause To Doubt You
25. Don’t Let Them Stand In Your Way
26. Honeycomb Hill
27. Rats Commiserate In Rose-Colored Fountains
28. Nathan Goes First
29. It’s True, They Never Knew Me
30. Dear Mr. Rickshaw
31. I’m Sorry You Saved My Life
32. Wish You Never Saved My Life
33. I Used To Love Her More
34. I’d Do It All Again
35. If I Fade Away (That’s Where I Am)
36. Teacher’s Pet
37. Frail, Frail Son
38. Weren’t Those Tears
39. Just Stay There

song title / lyrics

"Punjab, Stab"


Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Punjap, Punjap

(Crouching, stands the lion, proud mane)

Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

(There is a serpent who is no longer mortal)

Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

(Full moon strikes moist the hearts of men)

Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

My daughter, why do you run?

(You are the coldest child)

song titles

"No More Rainbows"
"We Applaud You"
"Make Haste"
"The Tallest Prison Tower"
"Everyday is the Same"
"You Leave Me Wondering"
"Dandelion Chains"
"Whisper it in my Ear"
"How Very Sad"
"Slow Motion Lover"
"The Last Keg Line"

song / album title

name a carlsonics album or song after an anagram of each of the band member's names. for example:

Aaron Carlson = Carnal Sonora

'Carnal Sonora'

Carnal: 1. Relating to the physical and especially sexual appetites: carnal desire. 2. Of or relating to the body or flesh; bodily: carnal remains.

Sonora: Western US small ground snake. 'These secretive snakes are seldom encountered, but can occasionally be found by turning debris in the daytime, out in the open near sunset, or on desert roads at night'

caffeine

this morning i arrived at work an hour earlier than usual. same as yesterday. my wife and i worked out a new schedule so that i'm not taking care of the baby for quite so long in the morning, so i can get to work on time. the commute is better, and i think i'm getting more work done, and i can leave early if i want to, or i can stay and work late but still get home before dinner. i'm not waking up any earlier than ususal, but for some reason this new schedule has made me more tired. to make matters worse, i started sneezing like crazy this morning. in my junk drawer at my desk i have benadryl (along with other assorted medicines, napkins, stamps, ketchup packets, salt, etc) i popped two out of the blister pack, and washed them down with coffee. i was almost finished drinking my big mug of home-made coffee at the time, so i thought i would be OK. i am not OK. i am a zombie. a special drug-induced kind of drowsiness. so i just went to the drink machine and got a free company-provided caffeine hit: instant earl grey tea. it's good. i think it's helping. soon i will go to lunch and drink soda too. i guess caffeine is an essential part of my life these days. i would kill for a cigarette.

learn dutch

So today I went to have lunch outside on a picnic table outside of the building where I work. It's a nice sunny day, possibly the last one we'll see for a while. To my chagrin, there were no free tables. There was one table where two older gentlemen were eating and talking. I didn't recognize them, but I could have assumed the would be from our international division. I approached the table and asked: "Do you mind if I sit here?" They replied affirmatively, and as I sat down, one of them said: "As long as you don't mind if we speak Dutch." I said "Not at all, go ahead." So I opened up my newspaper and started eating and reading, and these guys went on conversing in Dutch. As I ate, I thought to myself- 'well that was nice of him to ask, and certainly unnecessary. i guess he thought i might feel uncomfortable if they sat there and spoke a different language. but i don't mind at all. but wait, that's a weird thing for them to assume. i wonder if he said that, not to make sure i didn't mind, but to make sure i didn't speak dutch, so that they could continue their private conversation without censoring themselves because i was there.' so suddenly i did not feel grateful, but more like a little paranoid. i started wondering what they were talking about. i started to wish that i knew how to speak dutch. then, i could pose as a provincial american, but effectively easedrop on dutch conversations... after a while they stood up and i said "have a nice day".

Welcome to Wendy's

During my lunch break I had to go to the car dealership and buy a replacement rear-view mirror for my wife's car. On the way back to the office I stopped at a drive-thru Wendy's to get lunch. I honestly can't believe how fast it was. One second I was placing my order, and the next thing I knew I was driving down the steet, steering with my knee, with my change in one hand, and a soda in the other. I couldn't handle it, and I was a road hazard before I knew it. At the next intersection the light was red, so I was able to pull myself together a bit and get the soda into the console, the change into my pocket, and some fries out of the bag.

eye contact

every day on the way and the way out of the building where i work, i say hello to the security guard. i look him (or her, rarely) in the hi, and i annunciate "good morning" or "good night". most people just keep their head down and don't look at them, or maybe, mumble something. but i go out of my way. mostly, they are polite and say hi back. they don't seem to appreciate it, really. i think they think i am somehow partonizing them.

there is one guy who works the desk on the other side of the building. he's younder, my age. i only go by this guy every so often. he looks me right in the eye and says it before i do. but it's weird. i don't like it. it's not like he is staring into your soul- he just does it in a weird way- it's hard to explain. he's the only guard I don't say hi to. when it's him, I look away. but like I said, I don't usually go by that desk too often. i think if he switched to the entrance by where i park, i would start going in a different way.

WFMU-FM 91.1/Jersey City, NJ; 90.1/Hudson Valley, NY

I love listening to WFMU live on the web while at work. The only problem is, my company monitors to see if people are using too much bandwidth. Now, while I chose the skimpy 20Kb Windows Media web stream option, I still worry if someone in the IT dept is looking at some report and going- "someone call this guy's manager". That would be stupid because I think I work faster and I am less distracted while listening to music on headphones. It's not like I'm listening to Howard Stern or something...

anyway, I sort of have a headache, because I think maybe I didn't have enough coffee this morning...

Bubble Boy

Ok, I haven't blogged in a while. So here are some tid bits from the past few weeks of my life:

I watched my 1 year old son taking a bath, and I was in awe as I witnessed him contemplating a large bubble, which he had scooped up from the bath water. There was something so precious about it. He was completely amazed as he inspected it and poked it with the index finger of his other hand. Children appreciate the wonders of the every day world. I guess it's one of the perks of being a parent- you get to witness this; and in doing so, you get some of that everyday wonder for yourself.

I went to a worthless, silly broadway show when I could have been spending a nice day elsewhere in NYC, like at a park or something. Note to self: do not accept tickets to shows that you have no interest in seeing.

Lastly, for the first time in recent memory I ordered a spicy dish at a mexican resturant- and for once, I actually got something spicy. Damn, it was good. It reminded me of a good Thai dish.

demo hell

this morning on the way to work i listened to a tape of myself- of some demos i made a few weeks ago. two or three songs i have been working on for a long, long time are finally coming together, musically. but i need to work on the lryics. one song is only a year old, but one is like 4 years old. songwriting didn't used to be this complicated...

i have "the theme from metroid" by mr. bungle stuck in my head.

i'm walking down the road by the lake. the road is crumbling and patched in many places. the ground along the lake-side of the road is eroding underneath it. there are struts and various attempt to repair and support it from below. there is an old man working on the repairs. he is chopping somthing with an ax. it's looks like blue panels. it's like styrofoam, but harder. what he chops he then puits into a fire. what's left is a hot paste which he's adding to the piles of junk that being laid along the side of the road to help keep it from crumbling down onto the shore. i talk with him, and then he takes me skateboarding down the road. we rode together on the same skateboard. it glides along, like on air, not on the road.

last night: i was driving down main street in my SUV. traffic was slow, apparently there was an accident up ahead. traffic began to move forward again- but i had to pull over to the side of the road, as a large tow truck approached on the wrong side of the road. the flat bed truck was carrying a large rocket, smooth dull metallic grey with no markings, with its front end crushed and dented in. up ahead the road was completely blocked off. police cruisers were parked in the road, and cones and tape boxed in the accident sceene. i had to pull a u-turn, and as i came around i saw the ploice taking statements from some people swho looked like they had been in the accident. so was the missile on the truck just one of the thing turned around at the roadblock? or was the accident between a car and a rocket?

just a baby

so we went to the wake yesterday for my co-worker's son. trajic. a young guy, early 20's, all his friends were there. weeping relatives. after going up to offer my condolences and briefly kneel at that casket to pray, i went to the back of the room and sat down. next to me was a teary-eyed co-worker. i asked if she was ok, she said "i'm OK" and then "he was just a baby". to our mothers, we're all always still a baby. that's just how it is.

audio verite

so this morning on the way to work i was listening to a CD i just burned, with kazaa songs off of the internet. i decided on tuesday morning that i wanted to listen to some mr. bungle and faith no more songs. specifically, i wanted to hear "pink cigarette" by mr bungle off of the california album, and anythign off of the "album of the year" album by faith no more. so i went and downloaded a whole bunch of crap off of kazaa. some of the tracks are downright silly, including covers of "hit me baby", "like a paryer" and "i started a joke". i guess the ultimate measure of success for a musical artist is being able to quit your band, open you own label, and spend time recording things like madonna covers and Pranzo Oltranzista. so i love this cd now. it opens up corners of my mind, long undisturbed memories and lingering smells of the lonely times, places, car rides of 1995 and 1998.

2 nights ago:

i picked up dunkin' donuts for my friend craig and his girlfriend. i got each of them a coffee and a donut. for some reason i had to be sneaky and leave it for them in an out-of-the-way public restroom where they would find it later. on the way out of the restroom, i saw a cleaning lady on her way in. i asked her not to touch the donut stuff on the counter, and she told me that it would mean an extra $5 charge.

then i was out in a grassy courtyard on a college campus. it was a spring day and everyone just got out of class. people were mingling and talking under the shade of trees and sitting on the grass and just enjoying the nice day. and i wanted to join them, but in stead i was like "i have to go home". and i left.

last night:

all i remember is that i witnessed a gathering of all of the world's professional basketball players in one large indoor arena. thousands of them. they were separated into different sections for each country and league. the NBA players were sitting in rows of folding chairs on the court, with the western conference on one side, and the east on the other. the whole arena of people were singing together, in unison. down in one of the hallways, i witnessed two players having an argument.

happy or sad

i walked into work this morning with a peice of chocolate cake from my brother's birthday dinner last night. no one was around; i was expecting eager office mates ready with plastic forks. i turns out that a co-worker's son had died in a car accident last night. he was in his early 20's. what can you say? nothing. this co-worker had not come in to work, but rather we found out from a voicemail. everyone was bummed out this morning. but people move on quickly, when it's not their son. by lunch they were joking in the hallway. but that's just how it is. around 3:00 i offered the cake around and i got two takers. i felt like i was helping assuage everyone's gloom a little bit. cakes can be happy or sad.

So I had a couple of dreams last night: 1) I had a dream I wintessed the birth/creation of the plant which would beget a race of planet-eating mutant plant humanoids, exactly like was the "monster mind" villians in the cartoon show "jayce and the wheeled warriors". However, in my dream the evail plant was not accidentally created, but rather, it was intentionally created by a mad-scientist type villian. Apparently, he could not have a child was jealous of people who did (me?) so he created this monster plant (I vaguely remeber something about his having combined the DNA of all sorts of different creatures to make it). Anyway, I found myself in the greenhouse where it was begin brought up- and it had two little red venus-fly-trap heads with teeth and they were reaching out and trying to eat me. I tried to sneak away undetected, but it bit me. I think I got away. 2) I had a dream that I was at a college party type thing in an old run-down off-campus house's basement. The basement was durty and dark and musty. People like Jon and Sarah were there. So was my wife. The baby was upstairs in some other room and I went to check on him. He was crawling around on the ground floor of the house. I decided to skip the party and stay upstairs and watch the baby. On at least one occasion I remeber fervently reminding someone to keep the doorto the stairs closed. 3) I was in some sort of two story bar & surf shop in a nondescript vacation beach area. I was sneaking around in the second floor, along a balcony. I found a service door or something which lead downstairs into a closed-off section of the first floor which was like a private bar-room. I decended and was now behind the bar. I was trying to sneak out of the room without getting in trouble, but there was all this stuff piled up around the bar, making it hard to get out. I tried crawling underneath part of the bar to get out into the open part of the room, but when I got on the other side i found myself stuck between a large chamapgne-glas pyramid and a large inflatable replica beer can. The pryamid of glasses started wobbling and I struggled to keep it from falling over, while leaning against the large bouncy inflated beer can. A waitress heard and came in to help me, and somehow she managed to get the pramid to topple over on its side without all of the glasses falling and breaking. I supposed it was not really a glass-pyramid after all but a fake one where all of the glasses were really plastic, and stuck together. In another part of the same sequence I was trying to convince this archetype bully-kid I knew frtom high school not to beat up my brother (?), which was random. In the end I was downstairs looking for my shoes (?) and I had to pay at the register. That's it.

chase the rolling coins

yeah, so i was thinking today about soda machines. i was standing in front of the soda machine at work. i had 5 quarters, which is enough for one soda. i thought about how long it might take me to get a soda if i stood back about 6 feet and tried to throw the coins into the slot. it would probably take a couple of hours, at least. if i was still in college, in a dorm, i would probably have tried it. i would have tried for at least an hour or two, provided i didn't have class soon or something. i certainly would have if i were with someone who was willing to sit and talk with me to pass the time and chase the rolling coins. better yet, i would maybe have a contest- and we'd alternate. it would be like a dart game. but anyway, i was not in my college dorm. i was alone in front of this machine, at work. so i step forward and get put the quarters in like a normal person, and get my soda.

god damn, i have not blogged in a while. i apoligize, world. i will blog more often, i promise. i don't know if this is against blog-etiquette, but i am going to add a whole load of stuff today to make up for my month of neglect. if it violates some rule of blogging, then F it, honestly. i can do whatever i want, this is my stupid blog site for christ's sake.

i give up

I was in Hallmark yesterday trying to pick out an anniversary card for my wife. The selection left something to be desired, and i was about to give up and pick one of the cheesy ones. Just then, this lady approached me - she was a hallmark employee in a purple polo shirt and khakis. I thought she was
going to ask me if I needed help, or maybe to tell me I wasn't allowed to have a drink in the store (I was holding a soda). Smiling and pleasant, she spoke, and said something along the lines of: "There's something I wanted to say to you. It's perfectly natural for a one person to share in another person's joy in this world".

I was dumbfounded, I could not comprehend what she said to me, much less why she said it. So I just said "Thank you". And then she just nodded and walked away. I tried to shake it off and just go back to what I was doing. But I couldn't think straight about my card search. I couldn't process the exchange that just took place- so I just left and walked back across the street to my office...?!?

short one from last night: i was at a family reunion. i was asked to go one stage, along with my aunt and one of her daughters (both of whom are tall, as am i). I am holding my baby son as I walk on stage, navigating through scattered folding chairs to stand next to my aunt and cousin. we have been asked to come up on stage and talk about the fact that we are the tall ones in the family. i go first, and i comment about how it's cold on stage. ...later on in the dream i go back in time and i am playing with a younger male cousin. he is currently a high school senior, but since i'm back in time he's a like 5 or 6 years old. he's being playful and generally rowdy, and trying to jump on me. i think to myself: 'now that i'm a dad i know how to handle this- it isn't annoying, it's fun'.

yesterday was father's day. i got up early with the baby at 6:30 a.m. and went through the morning routine a little more quickly than usual. i changed his diaper, fed him a bottle, fed him breakfast, put a sweatshirt on him, and got him ready to go out by 8:15 a.m. i didn't put on coffee because we're out of coffee grinds. this is wny i need to go to the store. my wife is still sleeping, i try to let her sleep late on weekends; plus, it's father-son time i get to spend with the baby. i take him out into the car and head to the supermarket. i find a spot close to the front, i get out and find a not-to-dirty-or-rusty shopping cart, and strap him into the child seat. i weave the belt strap through one of his favorite toys. that way, he can play with it while we're shopping, but he won't drop it. once inside, i head right for the coffee bar. while contemplating my coffee choices, a middle-aged couple approach me fromt he right- presumably to get coffee as well. they compliment me on my son- 'he's very cute, and very well-behaved'. it's true- he is cute, and he's hapily playing with his toy and listening to me talk aloud to myself about my coffee decision. i thank them and make small talk, briefly. as we part ways they say 'happy father's day'. i smile and thank them, and i am beaming with pride. a random compliment and father's day well-wishing from strangers has made my morning. i continue on shopping, talking to the baby the whole time about grocery selections and such. the end.

my dream from last night was quite disjointed, bare with me:

* part I: my wife came to visit me at work, at our new headquarters building. i went down to meet her in the large, impressive lobby. she was waiting by the comfy leather seats in front of the security gate, with the baby in the stroller. somehow, there was also a car parked in the lobby. it was a shiny red new super-expensive sports car. like a ferrari testorosa but with two rows of seats. my old friend becky, who now lives in boston, was in the driver's seat. we all decided to go for a ride. in order to pull the car out of the lobby, we had to pull it around the large security desk and back through a really large revolving door (large enough for cars). as we went through the large revolving door, through a glass wall i saw the vp of finance and other executives sitting at a table playing poker with several japanese men and women (presumably, from our japan subsidiary). when we got out of the building, we were in a parking garage. an alarm sounded, and glowing, floating, security guards (resembling the aliens from the movie cocoon) rush out to apprehend us. we escape.

* part II: i am witnessing the end of a gunbattle. two men surrender to two other men. this is in a banquet hall filled with rows of chairs. the rows all face the center, where there is a stage. suddenly, i am drawn in. i and my companion surrender too. they two captor threaten to kill us all. somehow, i know that it is a farce, and that the captors intend to kill the others, but not my companion and i. the captors come over to us and fire blanks at our heads and we pretend to fall down and die in the aisle between rows of chairs. my companion starts to laugh, but then tries to pretend as though he is winceing in pain. he pretends to whimper, and then fade away. then it is quiet. did it work? the others seem to be gone. we are startled and we look up. suddenly there is a loud procession entering the room down one of the nearby aisles. they are headed for the center stage. they are all dressed up like jesters, or like in a masquerade, with masks and banners. the room fills quickly with spectators. an announcer begins to speak from center stage. welcome everyone. and welcome to our new members. the spotlight shines on us. there are cheers. we play along and wave and smile, shyly. loud dance music plays and a huge video screen shows a man doing wheely trick in a wheel chair. the crowd starts to dance. we slip away, un-noticed, into the back rows. there is an older man watching us. somehow i know he is important, maybe even in charge, but watching from the back. he confronts us. he is suspicous, but just makes small talk. he is wearing a yellow raincoat. there is a white tag on it with red writing- it's a all-access pass to a rock concert. i ask him about it, and he insists that it is his daughter's, that she had borrowed his jacket. he is now flustered, and moves on and lets us pass.

* (last week sometime) i was in the oval office alone with george w bush. he was explaining his u.s. national forests policy. i was sitting/leaning on his desk and he was standing next to me. he was holding a chart and pointing to it while explaining: "if we cut down more trees now, in the long run it will help the forests..." even though it was the president, and he was amiable and persuasive, i was still not convinced. i nervously but graciously responded, "i understand what you're saying, but it just doesn't sit right with me..."
* (also last week) i had two dreams about my friend brian, who moved to california with his rock band, seeking fame and fortune. one: i was visiting brian in the apartment he lived in, presumable in california. it was a 3 story apartment building with an entrance in the back, with three flights of outdoor scaffold stairs and balconies. he brought me up and showed me around. the apartment was bare, a little cluttered. there was a box filled with copies of his band's demo album. that's all two: i was in some nondescript college town, in the off-campus apartment district. for some reason it felt like the sceene of previous dreams about college. i was walking around with an anonymous male friend, when we ran into brian. i was happy to see him, and we started walkign and talking together, the three of us. i told brian we were heading out to the bars, and he said he'd like to tag along with us, but he didn't have a lot of money. i happily and immediately told him to come along with us anyway, and that i'd buy him a couple of drinks.

this past weekend i was in the shower, and all i could think about were circus clowns, and white tigers jumping through hoops of fire.

i also paid a visit to a friends house at the lake. there was a party for my friend grace who is about to get married. i showed up already feeling pretty good, but proceeded to drink 6 beers while catching up with everyopne and playing "flippy cup". before the game started everyone started yelling and dancing in what felt like some sort of the beginnign of a pegan ritual. i don't think ti was part of the game, it's just that everyone was drunk and wanted to yell and jump around a bit. i never played the game before, but i think i did pretty well. i made my first few practice flips, but when we started i was a little inconsistent. after a while i got into a groove. in the "survivor" round, i was the last of two people on my side of the table- and we won. during the game my friend mike declared that i was "back". that felt good. in contrast to the past year or so, when i have not been around much at the lake. i saw a few people who i haven't seen in quite a long time, including my old friend lynn. we exchanged numbers and promised each other we'd call and get together some time. she still hasn't met the baby, who is 8 months old now. i left early so i could get home and get some sleep. i still had to get up early with the baby. all in all it was a good time- i felt like i had recharged my batteries, in a way.

the next morning i woke up early with the baby. i was quite tired, and i took him into the kitchen, searching for coffee. sadly, we were out of coffee grounds for a new pot. i poured the cold, day-old coffee that was left in the pot into my cup, and heated it up in the microwave. i read the baby two books, and then played the guitar for him for a while. then i put on his video and sat him in front of the TV, so i could go make myself cereal and reheat the rest of my coffee. after eating i tuned the radio to a jazz station, and started to wash some dishes i needed before i could start making the baby's breakfast.