breakfast part II

this morning:

* coffee
* granola bar
* lightly toasted "dreaming of ithaca"
* a bit of "celery and syrup"
* a fresh slice of "she's dressed nicely today"

and now i am enjoying a long-lasting "yo-yo ma cello suites" lozenge

this morning i had for breakfast

2 cups of coffee
one granola bar
one heaping spoonful of 'when she turns gold into gold'
a sprinkle of 'blue skulls'
and small glass of 'ecuador'

i had a dream that i was in a room full of people who were listening to and discussing my music. on vinyl nonetheless a dream, indeed.

cold feet

nothing helps cold feet on a chilly late fall morning like a pair of thick fuzzy socks.

last night i had a dream that i was driving up the overpass onto route 287 north, but i had to stop at the top of the ramp, becuase someone had put a shopping cart night in the middle of the road. i had to get out of the car to move it out of the way. i rolled it over to the side of the road, where there were two other shopping carts. later on in the dream, i was back in high school- and i was wearing a fleece vest that my mother in law got for me in whistler, colorado. for some reason i was apprehensive about wearing it. some archtypal football-player tough-guy who was wearing the same kind of vest, came over to me and gave me a compliment on it... i have no idea what this dream is about, or how the two parts are related.

i had a F'd up dream last night. i was going to a party at my friend brian's parents house in the town where i grew up. brian, after going to california and pursuing life as a rock star for a few years, was returning home to see everyone before he went away to join the army. as i walked onto the front steps of his house i noticed two things: 1) several children, next-door neighbors i presume, playing nearby on the grass; 2) a full needle & syringe, presumably filled with heroin. my initial thought was that of shock... why is there a needle here? so close to these kids? i think i picked up the youngest of the children who was playing close to the steps, in order to prevent him from getting too close- and because i didn't want to have to touch the needle to move it out of the way. just then, a fellow who must have been walking up with me (an acquaintance of mine from work), picked up the syringe. he started sticking himself with it, shooting himself up in his face. i told him that he was crazy, and that it could be diseased. he didn't care. and then he stuck the needle in my head. i though to myself- shit, now i'm going to get whatever he gets... but then i started to feel high and i didn't care. i went around the back of the house, to the party. brian was in an officer's uniform, with thick boots, with metal strips on the bottom. he was kicking, digging his heels into the ground, making a deep hole. that's it.

sharing an omlette

yesterday my wife went out for an afternoon with one of her girlfriends, and i watched the baby. i took him to the center of the town to which we are about to relocate. although i am familiar with the town, i wanted to get out on foot and look around. besides, it was a nice day anyway. i parked and put my son in the stroller, and walked to a deli/diner resturant. i ordered an omlette and a turkey sandwich. my son was hungry and ate most of the omlette. i finished only 1/2 of the turkey sadwich, but i finished off the omlette. the leftover 1/2 sandwich went into a to-go box, and went under the stroller in the stoage thingy. then we walked around town, into a few stores, but mostly just looking around and taking stock of what was there. as usual, my son enjoy watching all the people and cars go by. i also sang to him while we walked. i went to all the little quircky memorial parks, and read all of the commemorative plaques. there was one plaque, for the rotary club, that was obscured by plant growth and fallen leaves. i brushed them aside with my foot an read it aloud, like the others, but with a little more satisfaction. after a while, we had covered the whole area and made it back to the car, and packed up and drove away. my son fell asleep right before we pulled in front of the house. i ran inside and got a can of soda and the new york times magazine, and came back out and sat on the curb and read, while listening for my son, still sleeping in his car seat. the sun was nice and warm. i though about how nice it would be to have regular father-son afternoons every weekend in our new town, now and in the future- always starting out at the same resturant, ordering the same thing, talking, and then going to the playground or something. then again, if i start going to get my master's degree, maybe i won't have the time... but then again, why make time for anything before that? he slept for about 20 minutes; half-way into and article on linguistics i heard him whimpering, and i got him and brought him inside.

last night i had yet another "9/11 dream". i was on the street in a nondescript large suburban town, like morristown maybe. i saw something large diving down through the sky, leaving a trail of black smoke. it looked like a very large plane. it disappeared over the top of some nearby buildings, and there was a large explosion. i dove on the sidewalk by a bus stop and tried to cover and brace myself for debris. i was showered with suffocating ash, and i immediately got up to my knees, and then onto my feet, and retreated under an overhang of a nearby building. vaguely, i remember something about there being another person nearby, a woman, who was also ducking for cover- but it wasn't my wife or anyone i knew. -that's it.

house mix

so today we're going to officially be putting in an offer on a house. i signed all the papers on saturday- something like 50 pages of signatures and initials for me and my wife. it's almost as if they drag it out just to prolong the anxiety of the transaction. of course, it's not really a transaction until the seller comes back with an acceptance. we'll see how that goes.

it's worth noting, that the house we're going with is not the same house as i mentioned in my last blog. the first house was: a little further away from where we want to be, a little more expensive (both price and taxes), in need of a little more work (esp. in respect to bathrooms); but it also had a bigger yard, and more room inside. the new house is in a nicer neighborhood, further from busy roads, and with more families around. i can see many swing sets in neighbors' back yards. that's important. it does have lower ceilings, which is a little annoying but still OK.

on top of that, we saw one last house this weekend, in a nearby town. it was a similar price but with lower taxes. the land was nice, and the neighborhood was OK. the biggest problem was that it's basement was not finished off, but rather, it was filled with crap and it looks like it had water problems. that and they had just way to much clutter and crap to really get a feel for what the place would be like (for us). it's so much nicer to look at a place when it's empty. oh, and they had an annoying little dog that would not stop barking. in the end, the experience of seeing this one last place served to reinforce our feelings about the place on which we're making an offer... which we needed.

waiter on providence

so i went house-hunting this weekend and i guess you could say it went well. we've decided to take the first step towards 'pulling the trigger' on a house that we think is really right for us. it's nerve-wracking to sign away your life on a peice of paper and buy a house that is seemingly worth more than i ever feel like i'll earn in my whole life; but when i think of my son playing in that nice big back yard, suddenly it is all very clear to me. i picture myself pitching wiffle balls to him, and him swinging that fat red plastic bat- that is what i want, that is what i work for.

i had harsh, homemade white wine tonight; but the tea is just right.

surprise and pride

this morning as i walked through the revolving door, i saw the annoying cigarette-mooching lady b.s.'ing with the security guards. poor, poor security guards. that lady is truly annoying; and the guards just might be out a few cigarettes as well. so i got to my desk, and my boss sarcastically informed me that i deserved a gold star for arriving early. now, she didn't actually have a gold star sticker for me; but if she did i would have worn it all day, proudly. that's just the kind of mood i'm in today. a stale, sour mood. i'm wearing jeans and sneakers to work today, in return for donating $5 to a breast cancer research charity. this blog has no F-ing point. there is a mini basketball hoop over the recycle bin next to my cubicle. every time i get the chance (when i F something up and i have to throw it away) i crumple up the paper into a ball and take a shot. it's like the paper-ball equivalent of a 10-footer, not a 3-pointer by any means, but anyway, i often miss. but yesterday i made 4 in a row, which was a record. that was the highlight of my day, until i went home and saw my son take a few spontaneous, shaky steps, on his own, towards me (he's learning to walk). the look on his face was one of surprise and pride. that is what really made my day yesterday.

supermarket radio

so tonight after i put the baby to bed i grabbed the shopping list and went to the supermarket across the street. i parked the car and i opened the door carefully, making sure to avoid hitting the BWD next to which i had parked. i walked to the front door, stopping right before the automatic door to get a shopping cart. i wasn't sure if i really needed a whole shopping cart, but i didn't want to be stuck carrying a heavy, overladed, scuzzy handbasket. i headed straight or the deli counter, figuring that i would want to be sure to get my cheese order in before the counter closed. pushing me empty cart ahead of me, i high-talied it over to the deli coutner. there was one other guy there, and he was just finishing up. the lady behind the counter handed him his order and then looked at me and said, "what can i get you?". i said "half a pound of white american cheese." she said "do you want foodtown brand, or land o' lakes". now, i am 1/2 deaf, so i didn't quite catch the name of the premium brand- but i understood the jist of her question. so, rather than say "huh?" and make her repeat herself, i said: "the latter, please". she stood, with her back to me, and hesitated for a second, and turned around and said "i'm sorry, what?" she probably heard me just fine, she just didn;t understand what i meant. in an attempt to avoid embarasment at my hearing, now i am coming across as a spaz who uses SAT words with the deli lady at the supermarket. i reply, "the second one, not foodtown." she says, "land o' lakes?" "yes, please," i say.

later on, while picking out fruit, these two songs were played consecutively over the foodtown radio: "keep the faith" by bon jovi, and "a little bit me, and a little bit you" by the monkees. the bon jovi song made my think about my old boss, who is a lustfull jon bon jovi fan. the monkees song made me think of my friend the IOD, and how he believes strongly that the monkees were excellent songwriters in their own right. so i thought to myself: is this one of the songs they wrote? ...the answer is, of course, no; it was neil diamond. but it just so happens that this song was at the center of a blowup over the "50% monkees" contoversy, which resulted in the firing of producer don kirshner. it just so happens that don insistesd on releasing this single with "she hangs out", by jeff barry, as the b-side. the monkees revolted, pulled the single, and fired don. the single was released later with michael nesmith's "the girl i knew somewhere". sadly, mike was not allowed to sing on the recording- becuase he was not allowed to sing on singles at the time. micky dolenz song instead. but what's important is that it was a victory for the monkees: their third single was "50% monkees".

band name / song title

band: "the dirt naps"

song: "flowers departure"

song title

"i can see you from space"

song titles

"make it rain"
"please make it rain"
or "just make it rain"

song titles

"debbie's holster"
"mumble pie"

my dream last night went as follows: i was in high school, but i was as i am now, married with a baby. it was early in the morning before dawn, and was wandering around the back of the high school looking for a place to put a few garbage bags. i wanted to find a dumpster, but there was a security camera nearby, so in stead i found a wire wastebasket. later on, i was driving to school with some friends. i was in the back seat with the baby. i was trying to hold onto the baby and my lunch at the same time. my lunch was an order of mu shu chicken from a chinese restaurant. it wasn't wrapped up and it had too much sauce on it. it was getting all over me and the baby's stuffed animals. the smell was making the driver and passenger in the front seat hungry. we had arrived and were in the school parking lot. my friends got out of the car, but i was still inside with the baby. i was now giving him a bath. the back seat of the car was now mostly filled with warm water. my friends were looking in the window, and they wanted to help but i told them not to open the door because the water would all flow out and the baby would be cold. i found a baby towel in the trunk of the car. my friends got back into the front seat to watch; they were going to be late for class, but were staying with me in a show of support and solidarity. the scene flashes to a classroom. the teacher is making roll call. when the teacher calls my name, someone answers for me. the teacher look over to my desk, and sees a pile of baseball caps. all of the kids in the class are trying to cover for me by taking off their hats, piling them on my desk, and insisting that it is me.

back, in black

today marks the return of my long-absent co-worker, who lost her son back in august. she was out on bereavement and/or unpaid leave. she is wearing all black. i said hello and b.s.'d with her about printing digital photos at Costco and my weekend. i didn't give her a hug or ask her how she is; even though i sort of wanted to, it didn't feel right. it's hard to know what to do in a situation like that, to know what's appropriate. maybe she just wants to be treated like a normal person, and not consoled or pampered.

vintage

this morning while driving into work i listened to yet another recently-uncovered vintage demo tape of my band from high school. i found it in my parents attic this past weekend. there are about six boxes full of old stuff still up there. when i move into a new house some day i will have more room to take the last of that stuff. so anyway, the tape: like many before it, the volume is too low, the mix is bad, there's too much hiss, and i don't sing very well. but still it made me happy to listen to it. i was having trouble enjoying it as mush as i should have, because i was late for work and frustrated. the windows wouldn't de-fog. traffic was slowing to look at a car that had run off the road. at least two times i found myself yelling at the top of my lungs at the car in front of me. now my throat hurts, but i think it's because i am getting sick. i'm sneezing a lot, but i'm not congested. i just took a pill, which will probably help, but also probably will put me to sleep.

song titles

"my asymptote"
"you will know my name"
"drving through a cloud"
"keep your dissonance"
"i lost your number"