waiting in the closet

on the way home from vacation in the western carribian i left my favorite old dirty faded nj nets hat on the plane. i realized this while claiming our baggage at the airport, and announced it out loud. my mother-in-law said "yay!". i guess it was time to retire that old hat. i have a new one waiting in the closet.

thought

i miss spending significant amounts of time sitting in cafes/diners- drinking coffee and reading, even if it was for school. a simple pleasure, long gone. lately, we've been very very busy- but hypothetically, yes, i could skip out at night after the baby and my wife are asleep and go to a starbucks and order a latte and read john fante. but right now, it feels as if it's a lost art from a dead, forgotten age

snack warrior

so i went to the snack machine and got a pack of M&M's. i poured the content onto my desk, so i could pick through them and eat each color in succession (obsessive-compulsive, i know). first blue (my least favorite), then green, red, yellow, and orange; i left brown for last. when i had finished all the other colors, the remaining nine brown M&M's formed the unmistakable pattern of the constellation orion on my desk. what does this mean? is aurora warning me to beware of scorpions? or is it just a sign that winter is beginning?

hot milk

i'm pretty sure that, in heaven, after making the long journey up the tunnel with the light at the end, trudging through acres of knee-deep snow through the rolling hills of limbo, you are beckoned and finally greeted inside the pearly gates by the angels with hot milk and raspberry cookies.

(man-lo day memories, of frolicking drunk in the snow, drinking jd by the boat, and coming back inside to "hot milk" and cookies.)

doors and all

ah, so i took yesterday off from work... we had movers move all the big stuff from our condo to the house. i was helping a lot because they were paid by the hour- so now i'm sore here and there, especially my back. have you ever taken a apart and put together a fridge, doors and all? it's fun, fun, fun! but really, everything went quite well. i did have to rip the moldings off the basement door to get my desk into the house. thank goodness, it fits in the low-ceiling basement office. and the fridge fot too! i was there late last night again after dinner, moving furniture into its likely final resting places. it was exciting to feel like it was really coming together! it feels like a home finally, not just an empty shell or whetever. we're still not moved in- staying at my in-laws tonight. technically its ready to move into, but with the baby we want to wait until it's really 100% ready. as long as one or the other set of grandparents is willing to take us in, we'll keep goin'. more work to do the next few nights after work, but it's coming along. ...i met the mailman yesterday, he seems nice.

movin' out

i came to the computer to post a song title in my song blog and i figured i'd post here as well and say that i'm abotu to move out of this place, and therefore i soon have to pack up this computer and stuff. what a pain in the ass moving is... especially when it's a blizzard outside. anyway, off i go!

sunny sunday

so we closed on the deal for our new house, and i spent most of my thanksgiving weekend painting and scraping and sanding and stuff. on sunday, as i was working on one of the windows in my son's new bedroom, i saw him and my wife out in the front yard. she was talking to our new neighbors, who are also a young couple with a 1-year old. my son and the other kid were walking around in circles on the lawn in their cute little winter coats with fur-fringed hoods. it was a brief moment of levity in an otherwise monotonous day of house-prep work.

breakfast part II

this morning:

* coffee
* granola bar
* lightly toasted "dreaming of ithaca"
* a bit of "celery and syrup"
* a fresh slice of "she's dressed nicely today"

and now i am enjoying a long-lasting "yo-yo ma cello suites" lozenge

this morning i had for breakfast

2 cups of coffee
one granola bar
one heaping spoonful of 'when she turns gold into gold'
a sprinkle of 'blue skulls'
and small glass of 'ecuador'

i had a dream that i was in a room full of people who were listening to and discussing my music. on vinyl nonetheless a dream, indeed.

cold feet

nothing helps cold feet on a chilly late fall morning like a pair of thick fuzzy socks.

last night i had a dream that i was driving up the overpass onto route 287 north, but i had to stop at the top of the ramp, becuase someone had put a shopping cart night in the middle of the road. i had to get out of the car to move it out of the way. i rolled it over to the side of the road, where there were two other shopping carts. later on in the dream, i was back in high school- and i was wearing a fleece vest that my mother in law got for me in whistler, colorado. for some reason i was apprehensive about wearing it. some archtypal football-player tough-guy who was wearing the same kind of vest, came over to me and gave me a compliment on it... i have no idea what this dream is about, or how the two parts are related.

i had a F'd up dream last night. i was going to a party at my friend brian's parents house in the town where i grew up. brian, after going to california and pursuing life as a rock star for a few years, was returning home to see everyone before he went away to join the army. as i walked onto the front steps of his house i noticed two things: 1) several children, next-door neighbors i presume, playing nearby on the grass; 2) a full needle & syringe, presumably filled with heroin. my initial thought was that of shock... why is there a needle here? so close to these kids? i think i picked up the youngest of the children who was playing close to the steps, in order to prevent him from getting too close- and because i didn't want to have to touch the needle to move it out of the way. just then, a fellow who must have been walking up with me (an acquaintance of mine from work), picked up the syringe. he started sticking himself with it, shooting himself up in his face. i told him that he was crazy, and that it could be diseased. he didn't care. and then he stuck the needle in my head. i though to myself- shit, now i'm going to get whatever he gets... but then i started to feel high and i didn't care. i went around the back of the house, to the party. brian was in an officer's uniform, with thick boots, with metal strips on the bottom. he was kicking, digging his heels into the ground, making a deep hole. that's it.

sharing an omlette

yesterday my wife went out for an afternoon with one of her girlfriends, and i watched the baby. i took him to the center of the town to which we are about to relocate. although i am familiar with the town, i wanted to get out on foot and look around. besides, it was a nice day anyway. i parked and put my son in the stroller, and walked to a deli/diner resturant. i ordered an omlette and a turkey sandwich. my son was hungry and ate most of the omlette. i finished only 1/2 of the turkey sadwich, but i finished off the omlette. the leftover 1/2 sandwich went into a to-go box, and went under the stroller in the stoage thingy. then we walked around town, into a few stores, but mostly just looking around and taking stock of what was there. as usual, my son enjoy watching all the people and cars go by. i also sang to him while we walked. i went to all the little quircky memorial parks, and read all of the commemorative plaques. there was one plaque, for the rotary club, that was obscured by plant growth and fallen leaves. i brushed them aside with my foot an read it aloud, like the others, but with a little more satisfaction. after a while, we had covered the whole area and made it back to the car, and packed up and drove away. my son fell asleep right before we pulled in front of the house. i ran inside and got a can of soda and the new york times magazine, and came back out and sat on the curb and read, while listening for my son, still sleeping in his car seat. the sun was nice and warm. i though about how nice it would be to have regular father-son afternoons every weekend in our new town, now and in the future- always starting out at the same resturant, ordering the same thing, talking, and then going to the playground or something. then again, if i start going to get my master's degree, maybe i won't have the time... but then again, why make time for anything before that? he slept for about 20 minutes; half-way into and article on linguistics i heard him whimpering, and i got him and brought him inside.

last night i had yet another "9/11 dream". i was on the street in a nondescript large suburban town, like morristown maybe. i saw something large diving down through the sky, leaving a trail of black smoke. it looked like a very large plane. it disappeared over the top of some nearby buildings, and there was a large explosion. i dove on the sidewalk by a bus stop and tried to cover and brace myself for debris. i was showered with suffocating ash, and i immediately got up to my knees, and then onto my feet, and retreated under an overhang of a nearby building. vaguely, i remember something about there being another person nearby, a woman, who was also ducking for cover- but it wasn't my wife or anyone i knew. -that's it.

house mix

so today we're going to officially be putting in an offer on a house. i signed all the papers on saturday- something like 50 pages of signatures and initials for me and my wife. it's almost as if they drag it out just to prolong the anxiety of the transaction. of course, it's not really a transaction until the seller comes back with an acceptance. we'll see how that goes.

it's worth noting, that the house we're going with is not the same house as i mentioned in my last blog. the first house was: a little further away from where we want to be, a little more expensive (both price and taxes), in need of a little more work (esp. in respect to bathrooms); but it also had a bigger yard, and more room inside. the new house is in a nicer neighborhood, further from busy roads, and with more families around. i can see many swing sets in neighbors' back yards. that's important. it does have lower ceilings, which is a little annoying but still OK.

on top of that, we saw one last house this weekend, in a nearby town. it was a similar price but with lower taxes. the land was nice, and the neighborhood was OK. the biggest problem was that it's basement was not finished off, but rather, it was filled with crap and it looks like it had water problems. that and they had just way to much clutter and crap to really get a feel for what the place would be like (for us). it's so much nicer to look at a place when it's empty. oh, and they had an annoying little dog that would not stop barking. in the end, the experience of seeing this one last place served to reinforce our feelings about the place on which we're making an offer... which we needed.

waiter on providence

so i went house-hunting this weekend and i guess you could say it went well. we've decided to take the first step towards 'pulling the trigger' on a house that we think is really right for us. it's nerve-wracking to sign away your life on a peice of paper and buy a house that is seemingly worth more than i ever feel like i'll earn in my whole life; but when i think of my son playing in that nice big back yard, suddenly it is all very clear to me. i picture myself pitching wiffle balls to him, and him swinging that fat red plastic bat- that is what i want, that is what i work for.

i had harsh, homemade white wine tonight; but the tea is just right.

surprise and pride

this morning as i walked through the revolving door, i saw the annoying cigarette-mooching lady b.s.'ing with the security guards. poor, poor security guards. that lady is truly annoying; and the guards just might be out a few cigarettes as well. so i got to my desk, and my boss sarcastically informed me that i deserved a gold star for arriving early. now, she didn't actually have a gold star sticker for me; but if she did i would have worn it all day, proudly. that's just the kind of mood i'm in today. a stale, sour mood. i'm wearing jeans and sneakers to work today, in return for donating $5 to a breast cancer research charity. this blog has no F-ing point. there is a mini basketball hoop over the recycle bin next to my cubicle. every time i get the chance (when i F something up and i have to throw it away) i crumple up the paper into a ball and take a shot. it's like the paper-ball equivalent of a 10-footer, not a 3-pointer by any means, but anyway, i often miss. but yesterday i made 4 in a row, which was a record. that was the highlight of my day, until i went home and saw my son take a few spontaneous, shaky steps, on his own, towards me (he's learning to walk). the look on his face was one of surprise and pride. that is what really made my day yesterday.

supermarket radio

so tonight after i put the baby to bed i grabbed the shopping list and went to the supermarket across the street. i parked the car and i opened the door carefully, making sure to avoid hitting the BWD next to which i had parked. i walked to the front door, stopping right before the automatic door to get a shopping cart. i wasn't sure if i really needed a whole shopping cart, but i didn't want to be stuck carrying a heavy, overladed, scuzzy handbasket. i headed straight or the deli counter, figuring that i would want to be sure to get my cheese order in before the counter closed. pushing me empty cart ahead of me, i high-talied it over to the deli coutner. there was one other guy there, and he was just finishing up. the lady behind the counter handed him his order and then looked at me and said, "what can i get you?". i said "half a pound of white american cheese." she said "do you want foodtown brand, or land o' lakes". now, i am 1/2 deaf, so i didn't quite catch the name of the premium brand- but i understood the jist of her question. so, rather than say "huh?" and make her repeat herself, i said: "the latter, please". she stood, with her back to me, and hesitated for a second, and turned around and said "i'm sorry, what?" she probably heard me just fine, she just didn;t understand what i meant. in an attempt to avoid embarasment at my hearing, now i am coming across as a spaz who uses SAT words with the deli lady at the supermarket. i reply, "the second one, not foodtown." she says, "land o' lakes?" "yes, please," i say.

later on, while picking out fruit, these two songs were played consecutively over the foodtown radio: "keep the faith" by bon jovi, and "a little bit me, and a little bit you" by the monkees. the bon jovi song made my think about my old boss, who is a lustfull jon bon jovi fan. the monkees song made me think of my friend the IOD, and how he believes strongly that the monkees were excellent songwriters in their own right. so i thought to myself: is this one of the songs they wrote? ...the answer is, of course, no; it was neil diamond. but it just so happens that this song was at the center of a blowup over the "50% monkees" contoversy, which resulted in the firing of producer don kirshner. it just so happens that don insistesd on releasing this single with "she hangs out", by jeff barry, as the b-side. the monkees revolted, pulled the single, and fired don. the single was released later with michael nesmith's "the girl i knew somewhere". sadly, mike was not allowed to sing on the recording- becuase he was not allowed to sing on singles at the time. micky dolenz song instead. but what's important is that it was a victory for the monkees: their third single was "50% monkees".

band name / song title

band: "the dirt naps"

song: "flowers departure"

song title

"i can see you from space"

song titles

"make it rain"
"please make it rain"
or "just make it rain"

song titles

"debbie's holster"
"mumble pie"

my dream last night went as follows: i was in high school, but i was as i am now, married with a baby. it was early in the morning before dawn, and was wandering around the back of the high school looking for a place to put a few garbage bags. i wanted to find a dumpster, but there was a security camera nearby, so in stead i found a wire wastebasket. later on, i was driving to school with some friends. i was in the back seat with the baby. i was trying to hold onto the baby and my lunch at the same time. my lunch was an order of mu shu chicken from a chinese restaurant. it wasn't wrapped up and it had too much sauce on it. it was getting all over me and the baby's stuffed animals. the smell was making the driver and passenger in the front seat hungry. we had arrived and were in the school parking lot. my friends got out of the car, but i was still inside with the baby. i was now giving him a bath. the back seat of the car was now mostly filled with warm water. my friends were looking in the window, and they wanted to help but i told them not to open the door because the water would all flow out and the baby would be cold. i found a baby towel in the trunk of the car. my friends got back into the front seat to watch; they were going to be late for class, but were staying with me in a show of support and solidarity. the scene flashes to a classroom. the teacher is making roll call. when the teacher calls my name, someone answers for me. the teacher look over to my desk, and sees a pile of baseball caps. all of the kids in the class are trying to cover for me by taking off their hats, piling them on my desk, and insisting that it is me.

back, in black

today marks the return of my long-absent co-worker, who lost her son back in august. she was out on bereavement and/or unpaid leave. she is wearing all black. i said hello and b.s.'d with her about printing digital photos at Costco and my weekend. i didn't give her a hug or ask her how she is; even though i sort of wanted to, it didn't feel right. it's hard to know what to do in a situation like that, to know what's appropriate. maybe she just wants to be treated like a normal person, and not consoled or pampered.

vintage

this morning while driving into work i listened to yet another recently-uncovered vintage demo tape of my band from high school. i found it in my parents attic this past weekend. there are about six boxes full of old stuff still up there. when i move into a new house some day i will have more room to take the last of that stuff. so anyway, the tape: like many before it, the volume is too low, the mix is bad, there's too much hiss, and i don't sing very well. but still it made me happy to listen to it. i was having trouble enjoying it as mush as i should have, because i was late for work and frustrated. the windows wouldn't de-fog. traffic was slowing to look at a car that had run off the road. at least two times i found myself yelling at the top of my lungs at the car in front of me. now my throat hurts, but i think it's because i am getting sick. i'm sneezing a lot, but i'm not congested. i just took a pill, which will probably help, but also probably will put me to sleep.

song titles

"my asymptote"
"you will know my name"
"drving through a cloud"
"keep your dissonance"
"i lost your number"

song titles

"No More Rainbows"
"We Applaud You"
"Make Haste"
"The Tallest Prison Tower"
"Everyday is the Same"
"You Leave Me Wondering"
"Dandelion Chains"
"Whisper it in my Ear"
"How Very Sad"
"Slow Motion Lover"
"The Last Keg Line"

song / album title

name a carlsonics album or song after an anagram of each of the band member's names. for example:

Aaron Carlson = Carnal Sonora

'Carnal Sonora'

Carnal: 1. Relating to the physical and especially sexual appetites: carnal desire. 2. Of or relating to the body or flesh; bodily: carnal remains.

Sonora: Western US small ground snake. 'These secretive snakes are seldom encountered, but can occasionally be found by turning debris in the daytime, out in the open near sunset, or on desert roads at night'.

concept album

this is an idea i have for a potential carlsonics record. it would be called "the carlsonics go solo"

it would follow a pattern much like the who's "the who sell out," except where the who has mini-commercial's in between the songs, this record would have short snippets of songs from each of the band member's solo careers. each "solo" career would be in some ridiculous genre. here are some potential solo musical genres..

- A barbershop quartet that the one person sings all the parts for
- grindcore/power violence (it really exists, though i've never heard it! i'm sure we could get creative though.)
- really over the top psychedelia about elves and snow queens
- french pop
- vaudeville (davy jones style monkees songs!)
- gospel
- holiday music (like a halloween album)


etc, etc...

the album art would be the most fun of all. pictures of our solo album covers.

concept album / song title

a concept album about all of the presidents of the United states. one song for each president, in order, from george washington to george w. bush. each song could be made up on the spot, recorded in one take, with only a history book in front of you. also, you should be drunk.

what should you sing about millard fillmore, you ask?

title: "the Know-Nothing Ticket"

it should be about him getting drunk the night after he was sworn in (he was not inaugurated!)- and he hallucinates and thinks that he's just been appointed captain of a pirate ship. drinking pirates. and he stands up on the bar and announces that he will change the national bird to the whiskey hawk. then he passes out.

either that or song about signing the compromise of 1850.

song titles

"Puppet with Broken Strings"

"Anytime"

song title / lyrics

"circumcised in gloom"

when ether is detected
in my wells of chardonnay
i remove the bandage
by calling it a day

pale gold is slowly seeping
to the corners of the room
here i sit, uncorked and breathing,
circumcised in gloom

lyrics

Funky Skunk
(by the IOD)

Funky Skunk wears shades and plays a mean bass
Funky Skunk rocks hard with the band and lays down a phat groove!
Funky Skunk practices all day and does his best when he's with his band
Funky Skunk plays for the ladies and likes to create
Funky Skunk tears up the stage with his solid thumping licks!
Funky Skunk is afraid of tomorrow and cries himself to sleep every night

band name

"the alcopostels"

pronounced al-co-pos-els

like apostles, but with 'alca' in stead of 'a'

song title

"(a) false dawn"

concept album

album or song about going to college for kayaking. in stead of an "A" the best grade is a "G". working towards your doctoral thesis at viking univeristy, institute of kayaking studies.

"course 101 principles of kayaking"
"course 202 the angle, the elispe and its tangients"
"course 300 the gregg lectures"
"course 401 field study: the estling lake annex"

song titles

"Your Father Won't Know"
"It Grows on Trees"
"Audrey on my Mind"
"Let Us Ventilate"
"The Sleepy Congregation"
"Chinese Checkers"
"(Without You) I'm Omnipotent"
"Got Caught Eavesdroppin'"
"Not The Top Bunk"
"Virgin Squid"
"I Do, Yes, I Do"
"You Don't Know Me Like That"
"Sever These Ties"
"Mostly Martha"
"Got My Fortune Read"
"Quantum Dew"
"Mommy's Cameo"
"Unconditional, Conditionally"
"You Can't Keep Running"

song title

"Perseus Cluster in B flat"

band name / concept album

band name: 'Coriolis Effect'
debut album: 'Angular Momentum'

and the album would be a vinyl record, with a picture
of the galaxy or a hurricane on the disk.

and the band members would all be named after famous storms/galaxies:

guitar: floyd andromeda
drums: andrew triangulum

lyrics

the sun does not shine,
so much as it cries light
as it tries to flush out
the specks of darkness in its eye

song titles

"Wet Wombat Turpentine Jamborree"

"Lost in the City"

lyrics

watching a black hole breathing,
the grand rapids have opened wide,
and its dirty laundry hanging,
as we peer deep down inside.

concept album & song titles

"timmy's tierra in the collafterlife"

1. unraveling (reprise)
2. light tunnel
3. access denied
4. stadium parking
5. collafterlife
6. and sometimes y
7. dewey decimation
8. the ascension

Temping for the afterlife!

maybe, as part of purgatory, before entering heaven, you have to temp for a while in hell, in the outer rings. for example, they would put you in a huge football stadium filled with millions papers that are blowing all around in a strong whipping wind... and you have to put them in alphabetical order, and there are no paperweights, so the stacks keep blowing over. and there are file cabinets, but they are all different sizes, and the drawers stick, and the keys don't work. and maybe there are even other collators who are trying to put them in reverse order.

bonus track: "paperweight on my heart"

band / album title

"(the) patronizing tones"

song / album title

"veins gushing extacy"

song title / concept

"why is it we never talk about ocelots any more?"

at the very least, the song title of a sarcastic love ballad about a male and female zookeeper who work in the "big cats" section, and who were romantically involved, but have had a falling-out, possibly over something like the tigers' feeding schedule.

song title

"shifting sands"

tonight's menu

Tonight's menu consists of crisp brown Shanghai duck in an almond demiglaze served with an apple tart confection. Humble servant Miss Harriet will put on a marionette show using a frustrating web of fine ram tendons as string while simultaneously belying her discomforting affinity for translucent chalk. Afterwards, little Timmy will play his violin and cry blood. All guests will be accompanied to the Retributive Grid as such in that they have violated conditions of the Treatise of Nymn.

Brunch will be served on the chrysanthemum veranda; simply follow the trail of leeks. The humid June air will kiss the dew off scorned lovers’ lips while we sip Sicilian table wine. Lance will hopscotch in the courtyard donned with his tiara of fire, while the scantily clad priestesses confined to the watercress fountains commiserate accordingly. Vanessa will adjust The Harness to accommodate the most trying wails. Rats will be coaxed out of rueful stupor to perform excellent tricks for viewers equipped with the radon ocular appendage, logged precariously in selected skulls.

Afterwards we will take a pleasant stroll in the garden maze, floating three-to-four inches off the earth, hovering through winding, inviting hallways of ivy and holly. Let us be enraptured by romance and bewilderment at the enchanting scents of crisp lilac and impending summer. Crowns of thistles and dandelion gowns swelter ‘round our heads like lethargic halos, leading us to an opening of deep grass and cascading, pink light – where we dip our soft toes in cages of water. Let us then ferry past the island of burning scarecrows to a doorway, arched with a heart-shaped hedge, where Samantha waits with a rose in her hair, courageously maintaining her composure as she waves to you a bouquet of quivering flowers and fingers.

by the BFF King

song titles

1. She Misses Mitch
2. Warm
3. Putting Up Maps
4. Skull Urn
5. (I Now Regret) That Thing I Did
6. Do I Stand A Chance?
7. Coal Age
8. No Way To Live
9. Morehead Correctional Facility 3rd Annual Mock Prison Riot
10. It’s In The Pipeline
11. No one is supposed to know the future
12. A Suspended Arch Bridge of One
13. It’s No Wonder
14. Skull Puppet
15. Little Polly Mathematician
16. Transitory Hush
17. Doin’ Hard Time (For Cryin’)
18. You Can Read Between The Lines
19. I’m The Last To Know
20. The Picture Came With The Frame
21. Your Love Makes the Grade
22. Meet Me Here (rip off 1st song on Windy and Carl, at the end)
23. No One Is Supposed To Know The Future
24. Got No Cause To Doubt You
25. Don’t Let Them Stand In Your Way
26. Honeycomb Hill
27. Rats Commiserate In Rose-Colored Fountains
28. Nathan Goes First
29. It’s True, They Never Knew Me
30. Dear Mr. Rickshaw
31. I’m Sorry You Saved My Life
32. Wish You Never Saved My Life
33. I Used To Love Her More
34. I’d Do It All Again
35. If I Fade Away (That’s Where I Am)
36. Teacher’s Pet
37. Frail, Frail Son
38. Weren’t Those Tears
39. Just Stay There

song title / lyrics

"Punjab, Stab"


Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Punjap, Punjap

(Crouching, stands the lion, proud mane)

Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

(There is a serpent who is no longer mortal)

Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

(Full moon strikes moist the hearts of men)

Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Stab
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

Punjab, Punjab, Punjap
Punjab, Punjab, Punjap

My daughter, why do you run?

(You are the coldest child)

song titles

"No More Rainbows"
"We Applaud You"
"Make Haste"
"The Tallest Prison Tower"
"Everyday is the Same"
"You Leave Me Wondering"
"Dandelion Chains"
"Whisper it in my Ear"
"How Very Sad"
"Slow Motion Lover"
"The Last Keg Line"

song / album title

name a carlsonics album or song after an anagram of each of the band member's names. for example:

Aaron Carlson = Carnal Sonora

'Carnal Sonora'

Carnal: 1. Relating to the physical and especially sexual appetites: carnal desire. 2. Of or relating to the body or flesh; bodily: carnal remains.

Sonora: Western US small ground snake. 'These secretive snakes are seldom encountered, but can occasionally be found by turning debris in the daytime, out in the open near sunset, or on desert roads at night'

caffeine

this morning i arrived at work an hour earlier than usual. same as yesterday. my wife and i worked out a new schedule so that i'm not taking care of the baby for quite so long in the morning, so i can get to work on time. the commute is better, and i think i'm getting more work done, and i can leave early if i want to, or i can stay and work late but still get home before dinner. i'm not waking up any earlier than ususal, but for some reason this new schedule has made me more tired. to make matters worse, i started sneezing like crazy this morning. in my junk drawer at my desk i have benadryl (along with other assorted medicines, napkins, stamps, ketchup packets, salt, etc) i popped two out of the blister pack, and washed them down with coffee. i was almost finished drinking my big mug of home-made coffee at the time, so i thought i would be OK. i am not OK. i am a zombie. a special drug-induced kind of drowsiness. so i just went to the drink machine and got a free company-provided caffeine hit: instant earl grey tea. it's good. i think it's helping. soon i will go to lunch and drink soda too. i guess caffeine is an essential part of my life these days. i would kill for a cigarette.

learn dutch

So today I went to have lunch outside on a picnic table outside of the building where I work. It's a nice sunny day, possibly the last one we'll see for a while. To my chagrin, there were no free tables. There was one table where two older gentlemen were eating and talking. I didn't recognize them, but I could have assumed the would be from our international division. I approached the table and asked: "Do you mind if I sit here?" They replied affirmatively, and as I sat down, one of them said: "As long as you don't mind if we speak Dutch." I said "Not at all, go ahead." So I opened up my newspaper and started eating and reading, and these guys went on conversing in Dutch. As I ate, I thought to myself- 'well that was nice of him to ask, and certainly unnecessary. i guess he thought i might feel uncomfortable if they sat there and spoke a different language. but i don't mind at all. but wait, that's a weird thing for them to assume. i wonder if he said that, not to make sure i didn't mind, but to make sure i didn't speak dutch, so that they could continue their private conversation without censoring themselves because i was there.' so suddenly i did not feel grateful, but more like a little paranoid. i started wondering what they were talking about. i started to wish that i knew how to speak dutch. then, i could pose as a provincial american, but effectively easedrop on dutch conversations... after a while they stood up and i said "have a nice day".

Welcome to Wendy's

During my lunch break I had to go to the car dealership and buy a replacement rear-view mirror for my wife's car. On the way back to the office I stopped at a drive-thru Wendy's to get lunch. I honestly can't believe how fast it was. One second I was placing my order, and the next thing I knew I was driving down the steet, steering with my knee, with my change in one hand, and a soda in the other. I couldn't handle it, and I was a road hazard before I knew it. At the next intersection the light was red, so I was able to pull myself together a bit and get the soda into the console, the change into my pocket, and some fries out of the bag.

eye contact

every day on the way and the way out of the building where i work, i say hello to the security guard. i look him (or her, rarely) in the hi, and i annunciate "good morning" or "good night". most people just keep their head down and don't look at them, or maybe, mumble something. but i go out of my way. mostly, they are polite and say hi back. they don't seem to appreciate it, really. i think they think i am somehow partonizing them.

there is one guy who works the desk on the other side of the building. he's younder, my age. i only go by this guy every so often. he looks me right in the eye and says it before i do. but it's weird. i don't like it. it's not like he is staring into your soul- he just does it in a weird way- it's hard to explain. he's the only guard I don't say hi to. when it's him, I look away. but like I said, I don't usually go by that desk too often. i think if he switched to the entrance by where i park, i would start going in a different way.

WFMU-FM 91.1/Jersey City, NJ; 90.1/Hudson Valley, NY

I love listening to WFMU live on the web while at work. The only problem is, my company monitors to see if people are using too much bandwidth. Now, while I chose the skimpy 20Kb Windows Media web stream option, I still worry if someone in the IT dept is looking at some report and going- "someone call this guy's manager". That would be stupid because I think I work faster and I am less distracted while listening to music on headphones. It's not like I'm listening to Howard Stern or something...

anyway, I sort of have a headache, because I think maybe I didn't have enough coffee this morning...

Bubble Boy

Ok, I haven't blogged in a while. So here are some tid bits from the past few weeks of my life:

I watched my 1 year old son taking a bath, and I was in awe as I witnessed him contemplating a large bubble, which he had scooped up from the bath water. There was something so precious about it. He was completely amazed as he inspected it and poked it with the index finger of his other hand. Children appreciate the wonders of the every day world. I guess it's one of the perks of being a parent- you get to witness this; and in doing so, you get some of that everyday wonder for yourself.

I went to a worthless, silly broadway show when I could have been spending a nice day elsewhere in NYC, like at a park or something. Note to self: do not accept tickets to shows that you have no interest in seeing.

Lastly, for the first time in recent memory I ordered a spicy dish at a mexican resturant- and for once, I actually got something spicy. Damn, it was good. It reminded me of a good Thai dish.

demo hell

this morning on the way to work i listened to a tape of myself- of some demos i made a few weeks ago. two or three songs i have been working on for a long, long time are finally coming together, musically. but i need to work on the lryics. one song is only a year old, but one is like 4 years old. songwriting didn't used to be this complicated...

i have "the theme from metroid" by mr. bungle stuck in my head.

i'm walking down the road by the lake. the road is crumbling and patched in many places. the ground along the lake-side of the road is eroding underneath it. there are struts and various attempt to repair and support it from below. there is an old man working on the repairs. he is chopping somthing with an ax. it's looks like blue panels. it's like styrofoam, but harder. what he chops he then puits into a fire. what's left is a hot paste which he's adding to the piles of junk that being laid along the side of the road to help keep it from crumbling down onto the shore. i talk with him, and then he takes me skateboarding down the road. we rode together on the same skateboard. it glides along, like on air, not on the road.

last night: i was driving down main street in my SUV. traffic was slow, apparently there was an accident up ahead. traffic began to move forward again- but i had to pull over to the side of the road, as a large tow truck approached on the wrong side of the road. the flat bed truck was carrying a large rocket, smooth dull metallic grey with no markings, with its front end crushed and dented in. up ahead the road was completely blocked off. police cruisers were parked in the road, and cones and tape boxed in the accident sceene. i had to pull a u-turn, and as i came around i saw the ploice taking statements from some people swho looked like they had been in the accident. so was the missile on the truck just one of the thing turned around at the roadblock? or was the accident between a car and a rocket?

just a baby

so we went to the wake yesterday for my co-worker's son. trajic. a young guy, early 20's, all his friends were there. weeping relatives. after going up to offer my condolences and briefly kneel at that casket to pray, i went to the back of the room and sat down. next to me was a teary-eyed co-worker. i asked if she was ok, she said "i'm OK" and then "he was just a baby". to our mothers, we're all always still a baby. that's just how it is.

audio verite

so this morning on the way to work i was listening to a CD i just burned, with kazaa songs off of the internet. i decided on tuesday morning that i wanted to listen to some mr. bungle and faith no more songs. specifically, i wanted to hear "pink cigarette" by mr bungle off of the california album, and anythign off of the "album of the year" album by faith no more. so i went and downloaded a whole bunch of crap off of kazaa. some of the tracks are downright silly, including covers of "hit me baby", "like a paryer" and "i started a joke". i guess the ultimate measure of success for a musical artist is being able to quit your band, open you own label, and spend time recording things like madonna covers and Pranzo Oltranzista. so i love this cd now. it opens up corners of my mind, long undisturbed memories and lingering smells of the lonely times, places, car rides of 1995 and 1998.

2 nights ago:

i picked up dunkin' donuts for my friend craig and his girlfriend. i got each of them a coffee and a donut. for some reason i had to be sneaky and leave it for them in an out-of-the-way public restroom where they would find it later. on the way out of the restroom, i saw a cleaning lady on her way in. i asked her not to touch the donut stuff on the counter, and she told me that it would mean an extra $5 charge.

then i was out in a grassy courtyard on a college campus. it was a spring day and everyone just got out of class. people were mingling and talking under the shade of trees and sitting on the grass and just enjoying the nice day. and i wanted to join them, but in stead i was like "i have to go home". and i left.

last night:

all i remember is that i witnessed a gathering of all of the world's professional basketball players in one large indoor arena. thousands of them. they were separated into different sections for each country and league. the NBA players were sitting in rows of folding chairs on the court, with the western conference on one side, and the east on the other. the whole arena of people were singing together, in unison. down in one of the hallways, i witnessed two players having an argument.

happy or sad

i walked into work this morning with a peice of chocolate cake from my brother's birthday dinner last night. no one was around; i was expecting eager office mates ready with plastic forks. i turns out that a co-worker's son had died in a car accident last night. he was in his early 20's. what can you say? nothing. this co-worker had not come in to work, but rather we found out from a voicemail. everyone was bummed out this morning. but people move on quickly, when it's not their son. by lunch they were joking in the hallway. but that's just how it is. around 3:00 i offered the cake around and i got two takers. i felt like i was helping assuage everyone's gloom a little bit. cakes can be happy or sad.

So I had a couple of dreams last night: 1) I had a dream I wintessed the birth/creation of the plant which would beget a race of planet-eating mutant plant humanoids, exactly like was the "monster mind" villians in the cartoon show "jayce and the wheeled warriors". However, in my dream the evail plant was not accidentally created, but rather, it was intentionally created by a mad-scientist type villian. Apparently, he could not have a child was jealous of people who did (me?) so he created this monster plant (I vaguely remeber something about his having combined the DNA of all sorts of different creatures to make it). Anyway, I found myself in the greenhouse where it was begin brought up- and it had two little red venus-fly-trap heads with teeth and they were reaching out and trying to eat me. I tried to sneak away undetected, but it bit me. I think I got away. 2) I had a dream that I was at a college party type thing in an old run-down off-campus house's basement. The basement was durty and dark and musty. People like Jon and Sarah were there. So was my wife. The baby was upstairs in some other room and I went to check on him. He was crawling around on the ground floor of the house. I decided to skip the party and stay upstairs and watch the baby. On at least one occasion I remeber fervently reminding someone to keep the doorto the stairs closed. 3) I was in some sort of two story bar & surf shop in a nondescript vacation beach area. I was sneaking around in the second floor, along a balcony. I found a service door or something which lead downstairs into a closed-off section of the first floor which was like a private bar-room. I decended and was now behind the bar. I was trying to sneak out of the room without getting in trouble, but there was all this stuff piled up around the bar, making it hard to get out. I tried crawling underneath part of the bar to get out into the open part of the room, but when I got on the other side i found myself stuck between a large chamapgne-glas pyramid and a large inflatable replica beer can. The pryamid of glasses started wobbling and I struggled to keep it from falling over, while leaning against the large bouncy inflated beer can. A waitress heard and came in to help me, and somehow she managed to get the pramid to topple over on its side without all of the glasses falling and breaking. I supposed it was not really a glass-pyramid after all but a fake one where all of the glasses were really plastic, and stuck together. In another part of the same sequence I was trying to convince this archetype bully-kid I knew frtom high school not to beat up my brother (?), which was random. In the end I was downstairs looking for my shoes (?) and I had to pay at the register. That's it.

chase the rolling coins

yeah, so i was thinking today about soda machines. i was standing in front of the soda machine at work. i had 5 quarters, which is enough for one soda. i thought about how long it might take me to get a soda if i stood back about 6 feet and tried to throw the coins into the slot. it would probably take a couple of hours, at least. if i was still in college, in a dorm, i would probably have tried it. i would have tried for at least an hour or two, provided i didn't have class soon or something. i certainly would have if i were with someone who was willing to sit and talk with me to pass the time and chase the rolling coins. better yet, i would maybe have a contest- and we'd alternate. it would be like a dart game. but anyway, i was not in my college dorm. i was alone in front of this machine, at work. so i step forward and get put the quarters in like a normal person, and get my soda.

god damn, i have not blogged in a while. i apoligize, world. i will blog more often, i promise. i don't know if this is against blog-etiquette, but i am going to add a whole load of stuff today to make up for my month of neglect. if it violates some rule of blogging, then F it, honestly. i can do whatever i want, this is my stupid blog site for christ's sake.

i give up

I was in Hallmark yesterday trying to pick out an anniversary card for my wife. The selection left something to be desired, and i was about to give up and pick one of the cheesy ones. Just then, this lady approached me - she was a hallmark employee in a purple polo shirt and khakis. I thought she was
going to ask me if I needed help, or maybe to tell me I wasn't allowed to have a drink in the store (I was holding a soda). Smiling and pleasant, she spoke, and said something along the lines of: "There's something I wanted to say to you. It's perfectly natural for a one person to share in another person's joy in this world".

I was dumbfounded, I could not comprehend what she said to me, much less why she said it. So I just said "Thank you". And then she just nodded and walked away. I tried to shake it off and just go back to what I was doing. But I couldn't think straight about my card search. I couldn't process the exchange that just took place- so I just left and walked back across the street to my office...?!?

short one from last night: i was at a family reunion. i was asked to go one stage, along with my aunt and one of her daughters (both of whom are tall, as am i). I am holding my baby son as I walk on stage, navigating through scattered folding chairs to stand next to my aunt and cousin. we have been asked to come up on stage and talk about the fact that we are the tall ones in the family. i go first, and i comment about how it's cold on stage. ...later on in the dream i go back in time and i am playing with a younger male cousin. he is currently a high school senior, but since i'm back in time he's a like 5 or 6 years old. he's being playful and generally rowdy, and trying to jump on me. i think to myself: 'now that i'm a dad i know how to handle this- it isn't annoying, it's fun'.

yesterday was father's day. i got up early with the baby at 6:30 a.m. and went through the morning routine a little more quickly than usual. i changed his diaper, fed him a bottle, fed him breakfast, put a sweatshirt on him, and got him ready to go out by 8:15 a.m. i didn't put on coffee because we're out of coffee grinds. this is wny i need to go to the store. my wife is still sleeping, i try to let her sleep late on weekends; plus, it's father-son time i get to spend with the baby. i take him out into the car and head to the supermarket. i find a spot close to the front, i get out and find a not-to-dirty-or-rusty shopping cart, and strap him into the child seat. i weave the belt strap through one of his favorite toys. that way, he can play with it while we're shopping, but he won't drop it. once inside, i head right for the coffee bar. while contemplating my coffee choices, a middle-aged couple approach me fromt he right- presumably to get coffee as well. they compliment me on my son- 'he's very cute, and very well-behaved'. it's true- he is cute, and he's hapily playing with his toy and listening to me talk aloud to myself about my coffee decision. i thank them and make small talk, briefly. as we part ways they say 'happy father's day'. i smile and thank them, and i am beaming with pride. a random compliment and father's day well-wishing from strangers has made my morning. i continue on shopping, talking to the baby the whole time about grocery selections and such. the end.

my dream from last night was quite disjointed, bare with me:

* part I: my wife came to visit me at work, at our new headquarters building. i went down to meet her in the large, impressive lobby. she was waiting by the comfy leather seats in front of the security gate, with the baby in the stroller. somehow, there was also a car parked in the lobby. it was a shiny red new super-expensive sports car. like a ferrari testorosa but with two rows of seats. my old friend becky, who now lives in boston, was in the driver's seat. we all decided to go for a ride. in order to pull the car out of the lobby, we had to pull it around the large security desk and back through a really large revolving door (large enough for cars). as we went through the large revolving door, through a glass wall i saw the vp of finance and other executives sitting at a table playing poker with several japanese men and women (presumably, from our japan subsidiary). when we got out of the building, we were in a parking garage. an alarm sounded, and glowing, floating, security guards (resembling the aliens from the movie cocoon) rush out to apprehend us. we escape.

* part II: i am witnessing the end of a gunbattle. two men surrender to two other men. this is in a banquet hall filled with rows of chairs. the rows all face the center, where there is a stage. suddenly, i am drawn in. i and my companion surrender too. they two captor threaten to kill us all. somehow, i know that it is a farce, and that the captors intend to kill the others, but not my companion and i. the captors come over to us and fire blanks at our heads and we pretend to fall down and die in the aisle between rows of chairs. my companion starts to laugh, but then tries to pretend as though he is winceing in pain. he pretends to whimper, and then fade away. then it is quiet. did it work? the others seem to be gone. we are startled and we look up. suddenly there is a loud procession entering the room down one of the nearby aisles. they are headed for the center stage. they are all dressed up like jesters, or like in a masquerade, with masks and banners. the room fills quickly with spectators. an announcer begins to speak from center stage. welcome everyone. and welcome to our new members. the spotlight shines on us. there are cheers. we play along and wave and smile, shyly. loud dance music plays and a huge video screen shows a man doing wheely trick in a wheel chair. the crowd starts to dance. we slip away, un-noticed, into the back rows. there is an older man watching us. somehow i know he is important, maybe even in charge, but watching from the back. he confronts us. he is suspicous, but just makes small talk. he is wearing a yellow raincoat. there is a white tag on it with red writing- it's a all-access pass to a rock concert. i ask him about it, and he insists that it is his daughter's, that she had borrowed his jacket. he is now flustered, and moves on and lets us pass.

* (last week sometime) i was in the oval office alone with george w bush. he was explaining his u.s. national forests policy. i was sitting/leaning on his desk and he was standing next to me. he was holding a chart and pointing to it while explaining: "if we cut down more trees now, in the long run it will help the forests..." even though it was the president, and he was amiable and persuasive, i was still not convinced. i nervously but graciously responded, "i understand what you're saying, but it just doesn't sit right with me..."
* (also last week) i had two dreams about my friend brian, who moved to california with his rock band, seeking fame and fortune. one: i was visiting brian in the apartment he lived in, presumable in california. it was a 3 story apartment building with an entrance in the back, with three flights of outdoor scaffold stairs and balconies. he brought me up and showed me around. the apartment was bare, a little cluttered. there was a box filled with copies of his band's demo album. that's all two: i was in some nondescript college town, in the off-campus apartment district. for some reason it felt like the sceene of previous dreams about college. i was walking around with an anonymous male friend, when we ran into brian. i was happy to see him, and we started walkign and talking together, the three of us. i told brian we were heading out to the bars, and he said he'd like to tag along with us, but he didn't have a lot of money. i happily and immediately told him to come along with us anyway, and that i'd buy him a couple of drinks.

this past weekend i was in the shower, and all i could think about were circus clowns, and white tigers jumping through hoops of fire.

i also paid a visit to a friends house at the lake. there was a party for my friend grace who is about to get married. i showed up already feeling pretty good, but proceeded to drink 6 beers while catching up with everyopne and playing "flippy cup". before the game started everyone started yelling and dancing in what felt like some sort of the beginnign of a pegan ritual. i don't think ti was part of the game, it's just that everyone was drunk and wanted to yell and jump around a bit. i never played the game before, but i think i did pretty well. i made my first few practice flips, but when we started i was a little inconsistent. after a while i got into a groove. in the "survivor" round, i was the last of two people on my side of the table- and we won. during the game my friend mike declared that i was "back". that felt good. in contrast to the past year or so, when i have not been around much at the lake. i saw a few people who i haven't seen in quite a long time, including my old friend lynn. we exchanged numbers and promised each other we'd call and get together some time. she still hasn't met the baby, who is 8 months old now. i left early so i could get home and get some sleep. i still had to get up early with the baby. all in all it was a good time- i felt like i had recharged my batteries, in a way.

the next morning i woke up early with the baby. i was quite tired, and i took him into the kitchen, searching for coffee. sadly, we were out of coffee grounds for a new pot. i poured the cold, day-old coffee that was left in the pot into my cup, and heated it up in the microwave. i read the baby two books, and then played the guitar for him for a while. then i put on his video and sat him in front of the TV, so i could go make myself cereal and reheat the rest of my coffee. after eating i tuned the radio to a jazz station, and started to wash some dishes i needed before i could start making the baby's breakfast.

so on friday my wife bought a $30.00 kid's guitar at tj maxx. ostensibly, the guitar was for my son, but when she brought it home warned her that it could be a good long while before he got any use out of it, seeing as he's only 7 months old. maybe she pictured him picking it up quickly and becoming a little musical prodigy, but i explained that it's not that easy. it's really small, like maybe 24'' long, but fully functional, with 6 strings and all. at first look i thought it was too cheap to be worth a damn. but i took it out and tuned it up, and to my suprise, it sounded quite good. it rocks, actually. it's really funny and small, but it sounds good. so i sat down and played for my son for a while. as far as i can tell he likes to listen & watch me play. he's at that stage now where if something manages to capture his undevided attention for more than 5 seconds, he must trully be fascinated by it. he's also at the stage where he wants to reach out and touch everything. he wanted the guitar. it's as if he knew it was really for him. he was sitting up, so i just set it down in front of him, so that the neck of the guitar lay across his legs. at first, he just lightly touched the metal strings a little bit with the fingers on one hand, and seemed delighted that they made some noise when he plucked them. but then he enthusiasticly put both of his hands down on the strings, and ended up muting them so they did make any noise. he seemed perplexed, and dissappointed. so i took a couple of peices of his wooden peg puzzle and put them in his hands. at first he just held them down on the strings and moved them back and forth, so the strings made a nice grinding sound, which he enjoyed. but pretty soon he got the urge to bang the wood peices on the fret board- and that made lots of noise! he seemed extatic, and just sat there and pounded away at this little guitar. i was delighted, and i encouraged him: "good boy, good boy!" i was bursting with pride. he's already taking after daddy. i thought to myself, "i've got a little thurston moore here". i think it's high time to trot out the little precussion set we bought him for christmas. then the real fun begins.

(old dream from 3/2003) i was an investigative reporter for a newsapaper or cable news channel or something, and I was questioning a 'dirty' police sgt. (kevin spacey). apparently i was asking too many questions. because he accused me on the spot of being involved in a drug ring and i was arrested. later, i was in an interigation room and drugged. rookie-cop-looking types who had been handling me left the room and in came kevin spacey. he proceeded to ask me questions, demanding that i divulge my sources, and how i was on to him. the drugs i was on rendered me numb all over. kevin began pulling out my teeth in order to get me to 'talk'. he wasn't pullign so much as he was grabbing them with pliers and twisting. i could feel a dull sensation of the twisting and the roots of my teeth were pulling things along with it as they rotated, pulling and ripping other things along with it. kevin seemed suprised that he was causing this much damage, but remarked that it wasn't his problem because he would have me fixed up and duped somewhere and i wouldn't remeber a thing. as he was doing this, i was thinking to myself- 'i don't know why o'm onto him... i just know that i've seen this movie before. if i explain to him that this is just a movie and i'm not really a reporter, he'll think i'm really crazy.'
...that's all. i know i saw a sceene like this in a movie, but int he movie the evil dentist/interigator was a former nazi/SS guy with white hair called 'the angel of death'. and he did not use novicane!

(old dream) 02.14.03: i was in a hotel with my friend ron who is a globe-trotting backpacker who is on a 1 1/2 year world tour while on leave form his job as a mergers & aquisitions consultant with a big-deal NYC firm. we were in some south american or african 3rd world country in a dirty, sprawling city. we were up in a high-rise apartment building, watching the sun set through the smog. it was a humid, hot evening. i met ron's travel companions, including a guy named christian. i realize i have dreadlocks, or at least what feels like dreadlocks. my hair was long, and woven into braids with thin strips of dark leather, so they felt heavy and thick. one strand starting from the back, left side of my head was woven differently than all the rest and with a lighter shade of brown leather. that's all i remeber.

last night I had a dream that I was in a church. up past the altar was a moving display, with life-size depictions of jesus and god the father. they were like robotic mannequins with rubber skin. they moved and spoke in an impressive, realistic way; yet, they were obviously fake. jesus looked like he was half-caucasian/half-asian. they were dressed in contemporary clothes, apparently meant to help us identify with them. the two of them talked and even argues a little. jesus was taking care of a baby at one point, which was presumably his son. ... this was part of a larger, weird dream; but it is the only portion i can recall

I was driving to work this morning and listening to my car stereo. The song playing was "it was just a dream" by minor drawf souce, from their album "the war concept". I often sing this song to my son, who is now 7 months old. Usually, I do so when I am holding him and trying to calm him down or get him to go to sleep. I know he recognizes it when I sing, because he usually stops fussing or crying, and he calms down and listens. I looked out of the window as I saw drivign and listening and I saw a wild turkey in the grass off of route 80. That's all for now.

so long as i am not tied up at work, i look forward to spending quality time with my son (when he is a little older) doing fun stuff like: making art; building things; creating, in general. but i doubt very much it will rise to the level of building our own battle bot. we will probably stick with things like arts-and-crafts, snow men, or model airplanes or something. still, it should be fun. ...other games we will play: hide and go seek; building sandcastles; hopscotch, maybe?

so i am in my new office now. it's OK. it is an office with a door rather than a cube; however, there are no windows. i hear that before they put an addition on this building this office used to have a window; but now it is just a wall behind me. oh well. there's a picture there now. its a print of the avenue by 17th century dutch painter Meindert Hobbema. it shows the village and church of Middelharnis in the province of South Holland. it figures that it's dutch because this company is based holland. that and i recognize it anyway; i knew my college art history would come in handy sometime. so...

when i went back to the post office this week i picked up one of those damn rubber bands. there was a mail man standing on the loading dock lighting up a cigarette but he did not see me. there was a weird onld man lurking around the parking lot when i came out; i don't know if he saw me either. i don't know what I am going to do with it. it's sort of dirty; so i don't really want to touch it. It's just sitting in my car console. if you think i'm dwelling on this rubber band a little to much, you should understand there are other people out there who put me to shame.

i got out of my car this morning and there were several pairs of geese waddling around the parking lot of my building. likewise, there was goose crap everywhere. so yes, spring is here, despite the fact that it briefly snowed yesterday and it's cold out. last year there were a couple of geese who made a nest right in the middle of our parking lot. i guess they thought it was a good spot at the time because the lot was mostly empty and the building was under construction. it all worked out because there weren't many cars at the time. so they had some little goslings and they left the parking lot and headed for the nearby pond. ...but i wonder if the same pair will come back to try to nest there again this year. that would be dangerous, there are cars zipping around like crazy these days. i'm lucky if i make it from my car to the door without getting run over. today i move to a new building, so i guess i'll have to wait and see, once i'm coming back here for meetings or something.

so i went to the post office after lunch. i parked next door at the bank, and i cut through over an old toppled-over wood fence around the back of the post office. as i walked along the paking lot and i noticed many rubber bands on the ground. they were most concentrated by a run-down-looking loading dock on the back corner of the building. i had a passing thought about stopping to bend down and pick up some rubber bands, but i just kept walking. once inside, while placing my letters in the 'out of town' slot, i though to myself: i need rubber bands, i don't have any at my desk, and i need some at home too. i should pick some up. on my way out i noticed that the handicapped/wheelchair lift next to the stairs was surrounded by, and also filled, with many empty boxes and other random things like a crumpled up blue shirt. i thought that was odd. i came outside and back around the building, and as i walked i looked down again at the many rubber bands. i decided not to pick up any rubber bands. it just felt like weird thing to do, picking up rubber bands off the ground behind the post office. so i continued on and stepped over the toppled fence and on into my car, and drove back to the office.

i have to start packing up my office soon. i have to move out of this cubicle and into an office a few town's away. the good news is i will have an office with a door as opposed to an open-air cube. the bad news is i will have an old crappy desk and no windows. strangely enough, i will be moving back to this very same building again in a few months. that's the way things work around here.